Monday, August 16, 2010

Looming Breakup

Hey Dirk,

Thanks for your advice over the years. Ten months ago, I met the most amazing woman. The "one" for me. I'd been with a lot of women before, but never had I met one that made me feel so good about being myself. Then she dropped a bombshell on me. She's moving to Australia at the start of the new year to go to med school. At first, we tried to figure out if I could move with her. But my family and career is here. It's not something I can do over there. And she cannot simply waste another year trying to get into med school here.

Neither of us can go without sex too long. In fact, our relationship was what it was (and is) because we are so freaky. Freaky, but exclusive and committed. She is my lover, my best friend, and my confidant.

We've decided to visit each other and remain friends (with benefits if the chemistry is still there) and get back together after she finishes and moves back if we've both not found anyone better. But I have no idea how to deal with the loss once she moves. I went monogamous because I had no extreme desire to fuck other women after being with her. How do I go back to being single? The thought of finding someone to replace her repulses me. I feel like the universe is against me.

Sorry to hear about your situation. But the universe is not against you. The universe doesn't even know you exist. If she is truly the one for you, you'll end up together somehow. Four years is a long time, and time heals all wounds.

Remember, things are going to end up however they are supposed to. It's up to us to make the best of them. Embrace your singlehood. And keep an open heart. While no one can ever replace her, no one should replace her and you should not try to find a replacement. All good things come to an end. And just as you cannot buy a new pup to replace a dead pet, you cannot get a new girl to replace the old. But you can forge new relationships.

Cherish the time you had. Keep her in your life is feasible. But don't live in the past. Keep moving forward. Don't avoid getting into other relationships, and don't try to jump into one just to be in one. Know that by making the best of your life from this point forward, you'll find happiness sooner than you think.

I'm sorry I have no better advice for you as I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Perhaps other readers can offer you more insight.

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