Thursday, June 24, 2010

Music Video

Not much of an update, but a friend just finished this music video. I thought it was hilarious, and if you use your imagination you can see how this applies to getting girls.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Safety and Boredom

This is for you guys in relationships. I hear from a lot guys (and women too), who say they get bored by the safety that relationships bring.

My retort to them is that they are with the wrong person. I don't believe safety and boredom have anything to do with each other in a relationship. Boredom can and often does arise from a lack of safety. Here's what I mean:

When do most people take risks? When they believe everything will be all right - when they'll come out of the risk safely!

If you're bored in your relationship, it's because you don't trust each other enough to take risks together - whether it's bringing in a sex toy or another person, or just being honest with the other person about your likes and dislikes (usually in bed, but other areas too).

Instead, to be "safe", they simply tolerate their lack of satisfaction in the relationship until they feel so confined and bored, they have to do something drastic to break out of it.

If you have your guard up, you're not safe, and you stay on the much beaten path to keep yourself protected, eventually getting bored and moving on.

Try being honest with the other person about your desires and pet peeves, through actions or words. You're only truly safe if you let your guard down. And when you're safe, you can take risks which keeps relationship fresh.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Time Orientation, Consequences, and Newton

I saw the full version of this interesting video and it got me thinking about girls. Very little gets me thinking about things other than girls.

Basically, there are people who constantly focus on the past, there are those who live only for the moment, and there are those who constantly work for a better future. Each has its advantages and disadvantages, and we all have a little bit of each inside of us.

When it comes to people however, the video says it is better to be present oriented, at least in that moment.

My guess is that if you are having trouble with girls or people in general, it's because you are future oriented. "What do I do to get this girl in bed with me, will she like me, I wonder how many kids we'll have?" are just some of the questions running through your head. Either that or you are past oriented, in which you constantly compare the girl you are talking with to other girls or you are trying to avoid mistakes of the past, ie "the last time I made a move, the girl rejected me so this time I won't make a move so she doesn't reject me."

Either way, you are not focused on this moment with this girl. And there's a simple solution. Being that you are so focused on the consequences of your reaction, learn to accept there will be consequences to any action.

According to Newton's Third Law of Motion, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That means if you want something great to happen, you have to expect something equally bad to happen. Simply put, winners are willing to lose. If you play to "never lose", you'll also never "win" because when you take steps to minimize the negative, you are effectively taking steps to minimize the positive. Low risk means low rewards.

Take for example that cute girl from work. Instead of thinking "I'd like to fuck her in 3.5 hours" think "I'd like to put my hand between her legs right now". The consequences could be good, the consequences could be bad. But if you're focused on what could happen, good or bad, you're not focused on the present, you're not focused on her, and you're not focused on what you want right now.

Accept that there will be consequences to your actions, then ignore them and act anyway. There is only what you are willing to live with and what you are not. If you are willing to live with rejection, you are more likely to risk failing big. And if you are more likely to risk failing big, you are also more likely to win big.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Hunters, Gatherers, You?

I have told my girlfriend that while I am happier in an exclusive relationship with her, I do miss being single sometimes. It's not the sleeping with a variety women that I miss but rather the thrill of the hunt. I miss the flirting and escalating. I miss the thrill of getting a number or whispering something in her ear just so I can get close enough to smell her perfume.

Sex was not guaranteed when I was single. Things, despite seeming well, sometimes fell through and I never heard from those women again. Other times, despite looking like a train wreck, ended up with the both of us in bed sweaty and panting. It's partly why I subconsciously rejected online dating, where outcomes seemed more guaranteed.

It's completely different with my girlfriend. Yes, we still flirt with each other and have great sex. But the sex is guaranteed. I know I can wake up in the morning or text her in the middle of the day and I'll get laid.

Don't get me wrong. A monogamous relationship more than makes up for it in other ways, and I do have plenty to lose, but the thrill of THE hunt is gone.

And that's what this post is about. As a single man, while sex is not guaranteed for any of you, what you do have on your side is the hunt. You are free to push boundaries and actually risk something - going home alone. You have something to lose.

Read that again. You have something to lose.

While others may think you have nothing to lose as a single guy, the truth is you have plenty to lose. Say the wrong thing and offend the girl or reveal your intention to sleep with her rather than harmlessly flirt, and the possibility of sleeping with her is gone. Fail to hold her interest, and the possibility of sleeping with her is gone.

Yes, it's true that if something you say or do causes her to walk away, you never really had her, but that's the point.

While single, you have possibilities. In a relationship, you have guarantees.

And while that may not sound like much, or worse, may sound like too much to risk, the truth is that you're going to miss that when it's gone.

Though this may sound contradictory to my previous posts, urging you to act despite the possibility of losing her, it is not. My advice is the same. You must risk losing her, you must risk the possibility of her losing interest in you to actually gain the opportunity to hook up with her.

All this post is about is that you must cherish the gift of being single. Quit wishing for a girlfriend or looking for a relationship or a threesome or for anything in an obsessive compulsive way. Often, getting the prize is less rewarding than going after the prize.

As a single man, you have the ability to go up to an attractive stranger and not know if she's attracted to you physically, and not know if what you say will turn her off, and not know if you'll have any chemistry. That's possibility. That's the hunt. Enjoy it.