Saturday, October 24, 2009

An exercise in logic

Here's an exercise in logic for you - humans (including women) are either always attractive, always unattractive, or sometimes unattractive and sometimes attractive.

If they last option is true, it means even the hottest girl is unattractive at times. And if you can't get past the fact that she is hot to see it, you have no hope in seeing her as human. But if you do see her as human and are able to see her flaws, you understand she is no better or worse than you (because all humans are equal) and what matters is finding out whether she is compatible with you as a person and not an accessory (because humans are not accessories), rendering game unneccesary (you don't run game to make friends, do you?).

But if you consider humans always attractive, then you have to consider yourself as always attractive as well, and game is therefore unneccessary.

Yet if you consider humans as always unattractive, then game is not necessary because why would you try to be with someone you consider unattractive?

When you start seeing women as people whose company is either enjoyable or not both inside and outside the bedroom, your fortunes with them will improve dramatically.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

choosing your friends

i recently read something that suggested you should choose your friends based on the way others see them. not in so many words, but it presented the idea that if you hang out with social retards, then you are a social retard too, and you deserved to be judged as such. ditch the social retard friend and you ditch the social retard label.

one, we've all seen those 80s movies that call people on their bad behavior for doing just that. two, and perhaps most importantly, that belief is loaded with hypocrisy. people that present such ideas also usually suggest that you not change what interests you. so if you are a comic-book nerd or into star trek, you simply own it and be enthusiastic about it, and others will be too.

the hypocrisy lies in the suggestion you cave in to people's perceptions about the people you hang out with but not in the hobbies you pursue.

now, people might judge you based on the friends you have. and if you crave the approval of others, do what you can to get it, including dumping loyal friends simply because you think it will help you gain popularity.

but you have to ask yourself whose approval you are gaining by doing dumping your friends. are they as loyal and entertaining as your current friends? do you enjoy yourself more in their company? if so, those are good reasons to upgrade friends.

but if you enjoy a person's company regardless of how they are perceived by others, there is no reason to ditch them just to become popular. you can still make more friends without losing your old ones.

the things you do and the people you surround yourself with have to be there because you genuinely enjoy doing such things and those people's company. if you don't, stop doing them and stop seeing them immediately. being a man isn't about how others perceive you but rather about how you feel about the things and people that surround you. and a man surrounds himself by those things and people he loves, regardless of how outsiders judge him for it.

be a man.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

mission 1

i've recently received a string of emails from virgins asking me how to lose their virginity. while the previous posting was a reply to a specific individual, this will be tailored to a general virginal audience.

first things first - your age, race, religion, income, living situation, height, weight, and clothing do not matter. i do not want to hear any excuses involving any of the above criteria. nor do i want to hear any excuses involving any other circumstances.

second of all, the only thing stopping you from being a virgin is yourself. the only reasons you are still a virgin is because you are waiting till marriage, a girlfriend, or you are simply a coward.

and in the cases where you are still waiting for marriage or a girlfriend, you are a virgin not because of lack of opportunity. you've simply turned down girls in order to stay true to your moral code. that means you will most likely have had oral sex and other forms of foreplay, stopping at intercourse and severly disappointing your girl(s). if this is you, you are not wondering how to get laid.

therefore, if you are reading this and wondering how to get laid, you are a coward or simply incredibly young.

now that that is out of the way, here is how to get laid - stop worrying about it. enjoy the pursuit of sex and let go of the disappointment associated with failure. the way you do this is by understanding that you can still masturbate and get off. it's that simple. if she doesn't get you off, you still have other options. such as masturbation. this does not mean you eliminate the disappointment associated with failure, it just means you have ways of dealing with it and understand life goes on and that there will be other opportunities to get laid.

next, live your life. there is more to life than sex. you have friends, family, work, school, ambitions, and other desires that need tending to. tend to them.

then, talk to the girls you find attractive. this does not mean avoid the girls you find unattractive. that is your decision. but you cannot have sex with anyone you refuse to interact with. the conversation need not be special. it can be boring. it can be entertaining. it can be just a few words. it can stretch out for months. it is what it is.

lastly, make a move*. you have to express your interest in her sexually both verbally and nonverbally. sometimes at the same time, sometimes separately. but you have to express that interest in her for her to understand your desires. if she has similar desires for you, she will return the interest by not leaving. if she does not, she will leave. the point of making a move on her is to get her to express her interest. there is no winning her over. there is only freeing her to act on her desires, positive or negative. and that is the best you can do.

verbally speaking, making a move can constitute asking her out, telling her she's cute, to saying she's turning you on.

nonverbally, making a move can constitute looking at her while imagining kissing her naked belly, caressing the inside of her palm with your index finger, or going in for a kiss.

the above lists are not complete as you can add your own moves to the mix such as putting an arm around her waist or placing your hand on the inside of her thigh. it can also include insinuating sexual contact between the two of you or being direct about your interest such as asking her back to your place.

but short of making a move, you will not free her to express her desires. and unless you do so, you will stay a virgin. my advice is to sack up, grow a pair, and make a move. anything else is just an excuse.

with that understanding out of the way, here is your first mission:

1. in the next week, walk up to five girls you find attractive.
2. tell her you find her attractive and want to know her name.
3. conversate for a bit, just being yourself.
4. make the move that seems appropriate no matter how well or poorly the conversation seems to be going - either ask her out, touch her leg, or try to kiss her.
5. post your results for each girl in the comments section or email them to me.

failure to do this means it is your fault. success in seeing this through to the end regardless of how she reacts means it is her fault and that she has no place on your team. sex is a team sport and she has to be willing and able to play along - and to play well. once you get comfortable in the process, you will be able to distinguish just who you want to make a move on from the ones you don't want to make a move on.

if you get a date, i will post the second mission, detailing just what to do on the second date.

*note - expressing your interest and following through with physical actions does not mean sex will come immediately. sometimes it does. sometimes she will need time to think about your offer. sometimes a "no" just means "not yet." and sometimes, despite everything going great, it will never happen. that's life.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

waving the virgin flag

Hey Dirk!

I've been thinking about some suggestions for your blog. Here's one of my personal BIG hangups: my lack of sexual experience, and lack of serious relationships. I feel like i don't have a "sexual identity", because of my lack of experience with having sex with women, and having relationships. I feel a lot like i have to hide this, since that seems like the smartest thing to do. I have a feeling women and people in general can SMELL it, though. I feel uncomfortable touching women and looking them in the eyes, just because my desire is so big towards them. I get shy, because the feelings are overwhelming (especially when i'm talking to REALLY sexy women). The only girls i can more or less feel completely no shyness towards, are the ones i'm not attracted to :-)

You can't exactly brag to everybody you're an almost virgin, and have only had sex with prostitutes. With me personally, this comes along with a feeling of "unworthiness in the world of having sex with beautiful women".

So, i guess my suggestion for one of your blog posts would be, how you, Dirk Manley, would handle being a virgin in his late twenties, or having a big lack of experience with women in general. I presume having read your posts, you'll say it doesn't really matter if you focus on what you want, but i'm curious what you would have to say about this subject.

Rock on dude, and thanks again for your blog posts!


hey pieter,

admitting your problem is the first step towards fixing it. if you don't know what to fix, how can you fix it?

i too lost my virginity in my mid-twenties. so i can understand the fear that comes with not knowing how she will react and the confusion that comes from not knowing what to do.

but the solution is simple, fortunately. you even guessed correctly at my response about focusing on what you want. but there is a big difference between focusing on what you want and actually getting it. it is possible to focus on your desires and go about it in entirely complicated and unproductive ways. as a reader of my posts, you should understand i also advocate keeping it simple. tell her what you wrote here so brilliantly and seductively:

I feel uncomfortable touching women and looking them in the eyes, just because my desire is so big towards them. I get shy, because the feelings are overwhelming (especially when i'm talking to REALLY sexy women).

i can't imagine any woman not wetting herself and raping you when she hears that your desire for her is so much you can't function normally. i have never advocated being cool, funny, or charming. the idea that you have to earn the right to speak your mind is not an idea i promote. you have to do no tricks to say what you said above. the rest is manning up and realizing actions speak louder than words. so even if she doesn't ravish you herself, if she doesn't run away, it's her way of saying "try me". she is giving you permission to have your way with her.

i can't tell you why you should feel worthy of women. that's something you have to figure out and decide. but i bet there are incredibly attractive women who do look at you and think you are incredibly attractive. and it's your job to find out who those women are by making the first move.

if you still find yourself unable to go after what you want, work your way up starting with women you feel comfortable around, even if they are unattractive by other's standards. all that really matters is that she turns you on. each subsequent woman should be more attractive than the last. this way you get comfortable with the process from pick up to clean up.

see my post on being a man. the responsibility to get what you want is yours. let go of the idea of being perfect, smooth, or worthy.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

sex is a team sport

a lot of guys place a lot of responsibility on themselves. now, responsibility is an essential component of being a man, but a woman is a person too. as great a player as michael jackson was, he could not have scored the points he did or won the games he did without the help of his team. and while he did his best to motivate them, it was ultimately up to them to bring their "a" game. and not everyone who tried was cut out for the team. some didn't even get to try out. and those that did make the cut didn't always end up starting. some were just second stringers. what about the players who were good enough? well, they didn't all want to play for chicago. some wanted to play for los angeles or orlando.

what does this have to do with women?

my point is that having sex with a woman is not like rome sacking a city. it's not an invasion. it's not a competition. when you have sex with her, the team of you and her win. she enjoys it too. she wants it too. she's working with you to make it happen. she's not working against you and you have to get rid of all thoughts inside your head that tell you she's a thing to be conquered.

see, it's up to her whether she plays with you or not. and she has to be both willing and able. just because you want her doesn't mean you will get her. the question you have to ask yourself is why would you want to play with someone who doesn't want to play with you?

there are easy ways to see if a girl wants to play with you, if she wants to be on your team. you put your real personality forward. if she doesn't run away physically or mentally, she's down to play. when you flirt with her and tease her, she laughs. she wants you. when you touch her leg or waist, she goes with it. she wants you. but just because she's not running away doesn't mean she's good enough to play with you.

do you want any partner or do you want a great partner?

a chick who'd make a great partner, at least in my opinion based on my desires, would do that back to me. when i'm being real with her, she'll be real with me. when i'm flirting and teasing her, she'll flirt with and tease me. when i touch her, she'll touch me. i'm not just playing with her, she's playing back.

and even then that's not enough. her attempts at playing with me have to actually make me smile, they have to make me want to stay rather than run for the hills.

now, as a man, it's my job to trigger all this by actively doing what i'm seeking in return. i need someone whose good at assists and ally-oops. i need someone who can dunk. and as a man, it's my job to set up situations that test for this. but if she doesn't play back, it's not my fault. it's hers.

quit blaming yourself when she flakes on you or ignores you. quit trying to figure out how to get the girl. just go after her in a way that feels right to you; be simple and direct.

that will free you to have fun instead of living inside your head where your inner demons lurk. when you're not focused on methods, you're having fun, and you are able to test if she's the right one for you. you decide what you're looking for, she lets you know whether or not she fits that role.

you can't put a square peg inside a round hole.