Wednesday, April 14, 2010

One Night Stands

One Night Stands or ONS as the community likes to call them, is the ultimate measure of how skillful you are with women. The more one night stands you have, the more game you have. Bullshit.

One night stands are the easiest of all types of sexual relationships to form. And sleeping with many women only once is no measure of how great you are, but how lame you are.

Don't get me wrong. When I was single, one night stands certainly fun and helped build my confidence. But think about it. You're with a woman once. She doesn't call you back. You don't call her back. It's because neither of you has any interest in each other beyond just sex. And you wonder why you're still looking up skills to better "connect" with women on a social and emotional level. It's because you equate sex with that connection.

They're separate things. And the fact that she doesn't want to have sex with you again is a big clue to that.

Here's why one night stands suck. It's pouring. Or it's Christmas. And you're all alone in your apartment or dorm. All your friends are out of town visiting family. Or maybe they're out having fun while you're stuck at your place working to meet an early morning deadline. Regardless, you're trapped at your place and can't leave. Can you call up a girl get her to come over right then for a little stress relief? Even if it's just phone sex or a back massage?

Random hook ups sound good on paper. One night stands sound good on paper. But when it comes down to it, sometimes you just want to cuddle. Sometimes you just want someone who gets you and will hold you. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make you less of a man. Leonidas can attest to that.

And you can't get that by posing and pretending to be someone you're not. You can't show her an illusion and expect her to fall in like with the real you.

Quit pretending to be alpha. Quit preparing for that "ultimate relationship" by seeking out one night stands. In weight lifting they say you don't build your chest by doing bicep curls. In relationship training, you don't get relationship experience by avoiding it. Everyone has sexual needs, even temporary. And there's nothing wrong with seeking out one night stands for that reason.

But don't kid yourself. It's no holy grail or measure of your success as a ladies man. To that end, neither is having one girlfriend or several girlfriends. The only measure is that enough women are interested in the real you. How much is enough? You decide that. But one is usually enough. Imagine 3-4 girls calling you every day. Again, sounds good on paper. And a boost to your ego, no doubt. But when you factor in all the other things going on in your life, all the other relationships you have to balance with that, along with the relationship with yourself through alone time, one is sometimes more than you can handle. Three to four would be torture.

But to get that one, you have to be the real you while avoiding girls who aren't interested in that. It's better to be single than with the wrong girl(s).

The steps are simple:

1) live your life.

2) have normal conversations with the girls who you are attracted to.

3) make a move on the girls who turn you on and you have fun with.

You won't be able to know everything about someone in the first meeting. Quit trying to share all of yourself with others and trying to get to know everything about someone else in that first or second meeting. Some couples get divorced after 40 years together. It took them that long to find out they were wrong for each other. Maybe they were stubborn and intentfully blind. But more likely, all relationships are transient things with their own lifetimes. When relationships stop being rewarding, get out of it. When relationships make you question yourself, whether they be relationships of 10 years or 10 minutes, leave.

In other words, quit trying to make whores into housewives and quit trying to turn housewives into whores. Not all girls want or will have one night stands, and not all girls want or will have one night stands with you.

To use one night stands or relationships as a measure of your "game" is to objectify women, to turn them into machines whose buttons you just have to push. And failure to get what you want out of them means you have no game when the reality is, game is why you're not with the women you want to be with. Game is why you keep questioning yourself.

Game is the enemy of good, healthy relationships with women -- even if having a good, healthy relationship with her means that she is not in your life.

This post started out against one night stands and ends with a warning - don't get into relationships for the sake of being in a relationship. But they come from the same place. Only seek out things that meet your needs and desires. If you have a desire for social and emotional connection, a one night stand is the worst place to get that. Then again, so is an abusive long term relationship.

Only go after what fulfills your needs and desires and fuck the rest.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Confidence Revisited

In Juggler's eBook, he says confidence is knowing the girl will like you as she gets to know you. I disagree.

Confidence is knowing that as she gets to know you, she is better situated to reject or accept you further, and regardless of what happens, you're still priceless and will be fine no matter what happens.