Friday, September 17, 2010

Stop Blaming Others

In addition to not blaming yourself when a girl doesn't accept your advances, you have to stop blaming others for "cockblocking" you.

Nothing bothers me more than when a guy says he didn't get the girl because his friends started talking to him or some strangers started talking to the girl he was interested in or that her friend pulled her away from him.

Not being able to take responsibility for your own short comings is probably why the girl, and people in general, are fine with not spending time with you. When you stop blaming others for your not getting laid, perhaps you will be able to find ways to get laid despite the obstacles you may have to face.

Everyone has obstacles, but there are those who get over them and there are those who blame them. A blamer doesn't get over his obstacles. He wallows in self-pity and bitterness. And I can't think of a lot of people who enjoy being around bitter people.


  1. Dirk,

    Your commonsense advice has been great for my self-esteem and confidence, and I approach girls I want to talk to often. Many conversations go well, they give me their attention, they even pretend to like or do things that I say I like and do. They laugh at my stupid jokes, or if they don't get a joke, I'll say, "that was a joke" and they'll crack up. They ask me questions about myself.

    But I can never close. I will ask them out for a walk or desert, but I'm not getting any results. Am I not being aggressive enough?

    Every time I ask them out, I get "I'm busy" "I'm seeing someone" "I have a boyfriend" "I'm married" "I'm married and have a child" "Give me your number" "I don't give out my number" "No thanks" "I don't do that" and I walk away or keep talking to them for a minute or two more and try again, but still no dice.

    A few times, I'll ask them out for the weekend and if they say yes, they'll give a number or an e-mail address and then I don't hear from them ever. If they say they have a boyfriend, I will say that we can be friends for now and I never hear from them.

    Yesterday, I had a great conversation with a girl over lunch and she was really into me. We spent maybe 45 minutes talking, and at the end of it, she just brought up her boyfriend, and I was really into her too, so I said that I'm probably better than him. But she still wouldn't agree to see me.

    Women in my daily routine at work or other places all love me, so I'm not sure what the problem is. Am I being too much of a pussy when I'm closing? Should I be more aggressive? I don't get nervous and I stay calm and collected throughout every interaction, but I'm being to see a pattern with all these approaches where I get all kinds of resistance when I try to close and don't know what to do, get a "No" or sometimes get a flake.

    Help? Thanks

  2. #1 SAY NO TO FRIENDS! DO NOT OFFER TO BE JUST FRIENDS. It shows no commitment to your own desire. And that is weak. Few people like to associate with weak willed people. If you want something, don't settle for less.

    #2 Quit going for dates and phone numbers and try to go for a one night stand. It'll help you be more sexual. So even if they reject your offer of sex immediately, you'll see whose interested in you sexually and who isn't. If they're not, don't settle for a number or just friends. A date however, is just delayed gratification and acceptable...if you're cool with dating her.

    Most girls only date guys they want to have sex with.

    That doesn't mean they sleep with all guys they date or that they sleep with them before dating them.

    But if there is no possibility for sex, there will most likely be no date.

    It may help to read my posts on being sexual vs talking sex, but really, the best way to do it is to sit within an inch of her while touching her leg and lower back a lot. Then ask her back to your place.

    Hope that helps...I had to learn that the hard way. (And yes, that means being more aggressive, but sexually so).

  3. Yesterday, I had a great conversation with a girl over lunch and she was really into me.

    great conversation in the meaning of - she laughed, asked a lot of questions, told a lot from her and so on..
    for me, thats bullshit,
    i would be to much in my head -"oh its going good, she likes me.."
    i have to have fun and make my move or what i d like to do!

    looking for a great connection is in my opinion the wrong way, you would try to hard