Friday, July 23, 2010

Mission 2

A while ago I posted Mission 1. Here is Mission 2:

1) When on a first or second, or even a third date, go somewhere you can afford and normally have fun at.

2) When there, talk to her, get to know her, and try to have some fun. This should be easy because you are already some place where you know how to have fun.

3) Make a move.

Now, to explain the three step mission above:

One - You want to go some place that you feel comfortable. Getting comfortable enough to be yourself around a new person is challenging enough. Do not make the mistake of going someplace where you have no idea what you are doing. This is not to impress her. It is simply to limit your obstacles so that you are free to focus your undivided attention on her. One of the benefits of going to place you already are comfortable in is that she gets to see your fun, calm, confident side. Confidence is just another word for being comfortable with oneself. It's easy to feel and be confident in a place you love and a place that loves you back. It also gives her a chance to get to know you by being an easy conversation starter. Think back to Show and Tell in Kindergarten. Share the place that brings you joy with her. By doing so, you end up sharing a little bit about yourself and she gets to know you.

Suggestions: dive bars where you normally play pool or drink at, video rental stores or supermarkets, coffee shops, the pier or the beach, a park, art gallery, museum, a bookstore, the mall, whatever and where ever you would go even if by yourself. If you're the type who goes to wine tastings or martini bars, that's cool too. Do not let the method define who you are. You define the method.

Two - Talk to her. Get to know her. And don't take things too seriously. In other words, loosen up, enjoy your surroundings, your date, and the moment. Have fun. Trust your instincts. If she's talking about her grandma dying, don't make a joke out of it. On the other hand, if she's talking politics and if you do not want to talk about that, feel free to make a joke and change subjects. It's one thing to tell a girl you're a great guy and another thing to show her. Show her how awesome and true to yourself you are (one and the same thing, in my opinion).

Three - make a move. You can tell a girl you find her sexy all you want, but if you aren't touching her, nibbling at her ears, or trying to kiss her, then she's not likely to believe you. Actions speak louder than words. Show and Tell applies here too. Talking sex is fine, but be sexual. Look at her with a genuine hunger in your eyes. If you have to fake wanting her, then you don't really want her. Move on to someone you really want, even if others do not. Your sex life is yours. It is not a social status competition.

In all of this, do not fear rejection. Welcome it. Search it out. That doesn't mean pretending to be or do something you are not or would never do.

It does mean be honest about what you want. It's the only real way to find out if she wants the same things too. If she doesn't want what you want, she will reject you sooner or later, and sooner is better than later. The sooner she rejects you, the sooner you can get back to searching for what you want instead of wasting time on someone who doesn't.

If she has no interest in the date you suggest, it's clear she does not enjoy the things you do. Do you want a girl like that as a girlfriend? As a one night stand? I do not want a girlfriend who doesn't enjoy what I do. But a one night stand, I could care less. But as I slept with more women, one night stands interested me less and less, though I still had my share*. Each man comes to his own conclusion. Trust your own desires, your own instincts.

If you make a move and she backs off, read her expression. Is it "what the hell?!" or is it "silly boy, not right now"? And more importantly, how does her reaction make you feel? Do you feel like trying again, or do you feel like a heel or end up resenting her for it? If you feel like trying again, do it again a little later when it feels right. If you feel bad about it, cut the date short and move on to something more fun for you. But you got to thicken your skin so you don't get butt-hurt at every rejection. And the only way to do that is to keep making a move.

Lastly, a girl is more than her looks. Otherwise, she may as well be a robot or mannequin. If that is what you want, do not waste your time on real women. But if you want a real woman, quit judging yourself. Quit thinking it's you who messed up. Quit blaming yourself and start judging her. Judge her by her personality, how she acts around you and how she treats you.

*Note: Girls who like you are willing to do whatever you suggest. So if you suggest something, they will do it. If they do not, they don't like you enough. Do not try to change their minds. Simply shift your focus to other girls. They will then either change their mind, make a counter-offer that interests you, or move on themselves. Either way, you win. In regards to one night stands, a girl who is down for a one night stand with you will also do whatever you suggest. You could be drinking with a couple of friends and invite her out and she will come dressed to the nines.

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