In the community, they often talk about attraction as if physical attraction and sexual attraction are the same. "Oh, she's hot, we have to want to fuck her".
In real life, it doesn't work like that. Indeed, scientists have classified attraction into 6 categories.
There's 1) physical attraction, 2) sexual attraction, 3) social attraction, 4) relational attraction, 5) task attraction, and 6) fatal attraction.
1) Physical - needs no explaining, but I'll do it anyway. We're drawn to someone because of the way they look. It's why girls can say another girl has nice boobs and still not want to suck on them.
2) Sexual - we want to fuck someone because they get us aroused. Why do they get us aroused? Any number of reasons, not always physical. She could just be massaging our glans while we ponder this question.
3) Social - hey, he or she is fun to be around and talk to, so we're drawn to them. Do not confuse for sexual attraction. This is why girls will hang around guys they have no intention of fucking - the guys are fun to be around.
4) Relational - when we think someone will make a good girlfriend or wife rather than "I just want to tear that pussy up".
5) Task - think back to middle school when you had to pick teams for basketball. Your first pick...you didn't want to fuck him? No. You just wanted to have a winning team. Same deal, you're drawn to whomever you feel will help you get the job done best.
6) Fatal - You know when you start hating the very thing that first attracted you to someone? Like that you guys argued about everything on your first date? But then you loved it and now you want to put a bullet in either yours or her head? Yeah, that's fatal attraction.
Neither exists in a vacuum. But it's important to note that if you're aiming for sexual attraction, it's pointless to go about it through non-direct means.
That is to say, if you want to get into her pants, do not consciously try to be her friend or do her homework.
Dirk,
ReplyDeleteWayyyy back you had a post called "Mission 1" for the "virginal audience." You talked about what this audience should do to get a date. You also said that if we made the moves and asked a girl out that you'd make a post about what we should do on that date.
OK, so recently I decided to "sack up" (I can't help but lol when I say that) and got first dates with some girls. However, after the first date, they each expressed through text that they didn't want to date me anymore and just didn't feel a connection. The latest one just told me that this evening.
On one level, it does sting a little to hear those things. On another level, I'm not too experienced at dating anyway, so I know that I'm going to bump into roadblocks. It's easy to get frustrated. It does suck, but I've got no choice but to keep trying to get dates or else I'm going to be celibate for the rest of my life, which doesn't sound like a lot of fun given that I've already been involuntarily celibate for a good chunk of my adult life :-)
In the past you've said that in order to get sex you need to give sex, and I'll say that on my dates I wasn't giving sex, and the dates were more on the chit-chat side. It's starting to get expensive taking women out to drinks just so that we can chit-chat and not take the relationship anywhere, so I'm curious to see if you're up for writing a post on what to do on dates.
Thanks!
Hey Whoa,
ReplyDeleteI feel ya, man. But you gotta take her at her word when she says she just didn't feel a connection.
It's not that you did anything wrong.
It's that your mindset wasn't right. You went in thinking "how can I win her over?"
That's the wrong way to look at it. You should be thinking "Is this chick someone I'd want to hang out with?" or "Is this chick someone I want to bang?" or even "Is this chick someone I'd like to run away from?"
In other words, you should be evaluating them.
I'll write up a Mission 2 post as soon as I can.
And congrats on sacking up and doing Mission 1. See, getting dates are easy.
-Dirk