Thursday, August 6, 2009

female friends

Dear Dirk,

What is your take on female friends? Should I be trying to sleep with them? Can men and women be just friends? Should I try to be just friends with women?


hey XXXXX,

i'm not going to tell you whether or not you should sleep with your female friends. i don't even know if its possible to be just friends with women. i leave that up to people who like to argue rather than actually have relationships.

but i will say that you should absolutely make every effort to have females in your life who are just friends. hot, ugly, skinny, fat. of all shapes and sizes.

and here's why - when you go out to meet women, your goal should be to sleep with them, assuming you're looking for a relationship where sex is involved. if you go out looking for friends, don't be surprised if you end up with a girl who says "lets just be friends". she might say it anyway if you go out looking for sex, but the chances of finding what you're looking for increase when you actually look for it.

having female friends in your life will take care of that social neediness inside you that is telling you that you are not attractive, that you are not cool, that you are not funny, and that you have to become or do all those things in order to get the girl. it's bullshit.

you do not have to attract, act cool, or entertain in order to get laid. but your belief in yourself as an attractive, worthy man is essential to taking the steps necessary to get laid. and that is more likely to happen when you have a strong social network that satisfies that urge in you to "be social" and impress her with your "social skillZ". you would not have friends if you weren't worth having as a friend. and once you realize this, you are less likely to try to prove it.

think of the kung fu master who gives up fighting others because he realizes his greatest opponent is himself. he has nothing left to prove.

when you have friends, you are less likely to go out to make friends. when you have female friends, your need for having female friends decreases, and because of that, you are less likely to go out to make female friends.

instead, you will seek what you lack - female sexual relations. it's something that is both concious and subconcious. taking care of it on the concious level (making and keeping female friends) will take care of it on the subconcious level (trying to get laid when you do meet an attractive female).

having female friends will make you comfortable being yourself around women and show you that it's not what you say that keeps them in your life. having female friends will also allow you to find out the type of people (and women) you like having in your life.

the problem with guys who don't get laid is that usually they don't have a lot of friends, female or otherwise. this gets them wanting someone in their life who will stay in their life forever and ever. relationships by their nature are transient things, lasting however long you see each other regularly and ending as soon as the people involved go their own separate ways. sure, people keep in touch, but only if they've formed deep emotional (or sexual) connections during the time they spent together. deep emotional connections take a long time to form.

but sexual connections happen much quicker. by having people in your life who you share deep emotional connections with, your need to seek them out decreases. this frees you to focus on making those sexual connections.

if you want to get laid, have more female friends.

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