Wednesday, August 12, 2009

looking good vs doing good

too many people in our culture are obsessed with looking good. they take will smith's line from men in black, "i make this look good," to the extreme. what people fail to realize is that actually doing good often doesn't look very impressive at all. often it can look down right ugly. michael jordan's signature tongue hanging out was often derided at first.

but the most glaring example of the effectiveness of looking good vs the effectiveness of doing good is porn vs actual sex. porn sex is nothing like real sex. actors often spend 8 to 12 hour days working on a single scene. it's uncomfortable and a pain to shoot. none of the ecstasy or pleasure of sex can be found there. but it sure as hell looks pretty.

real sex is a lot different. it's messy, it's clumsy, and it's downright ugly. the expressions on lovers' faces range from grimaces to other contortions which have no name. sweat, spit, and other fluids everywhere. the positions are nowhere near as elegant or arousing as porn to the outside observer. more often than not, it's just a hairy ass in the air.

but sex is one of the greatest physical, mental, and emotional experiences in which we can indulge in our short lives.

trying to make it look good to the outside observer leads partners to share one of the most uncomfortable experiences they can in front of a camera, real and imaginary. it looks good to others, but is painful to experience. not giving a shit what others think leads to a blissful experience some religions save only for the holiest of unions.

this applies to other areas as well. often, picking up a girl will result in the most boring conversations about each others jobs and other self-revelatory topics. outside listeners might look on in interest at first but soon stop caring when they see the man and woman getting along instead of being rejected. the conversation does not concern them, so they get bored and move on with their focus. nor is it particularly juicy or inflammatory enough for them to keep eavesdropping. those conversations are often nothing like the conversations posted on however, to the man and woman engaged in the conversation, nothing in the world matters more at that moment in time but the presence of their conversational partner.

stop caring what you look like when doing something. instead, focus on doing it well. make it an experience you and your partner enjoy rather than some third party would enjoy watching or listening into.

in other words, you'll be far more successful when you stop worrying about what others think. their opinions don't matter and often hinder you.


  1. Great post as always Dirk, you da man(ley) !


  2. Thanks, Pieter. It's always nice to receive feedback.