Sunday, June 6, 2010

Hunters, Gatherers, You?

I have told my girlfriend that while I am happier in an exclusive relationship with her, I do miss being single sometimes. It's not the sleeping with a variety women that I miss but rather the thrill of the hunt. I miss the flirting and escalating. I miss the thrill of getting a number or whispering something in her ear just so I can get close enough to smell her perfume.

Sex was not guaranteed when I was single. Things, despite seeming well, sometimes fell through and I never heard from those women again. Other times, despite looking like a train wreck, ended up with the both of us in bed sweaty and panting. It's partly why I subconsciously rejected online dating, where outcomes seemed more guaranteed.

It's completely different with my girlfriend. Yes, we still flirt with each other and have great sex. But the sex is guaranteed. I know I can wake up in the morning or text her in the middle of the day and I'll get laid.

Don't get me wrong. A monogamous relationship more than makes up for it in other ways, and I do have plenty to lose, but the thrill of THE hunt is gone.

And that's what this post is about. As a single man, while sex is not guaranteed for any of you, what you do have on your side is the hunt. You are free to push boundaries and actually risk something - going home alone. You have something to lose.

Read that again. You have something to lose.

While others may think you have nothing to lose as a single guy, the truth is you have plenty to lose. Say the wrong thing and offend the girl or reveal your intention to sleep with her rather than harmlessly flirt, and the possibility of sleeping with her is gone. Fail to hold her interest, and the possibility of sleeping with her is gone.

Yes, it's true that if something you say or do causes her to walk away, you never really had her, but that's the point.

While single, you have possibilities. In a relationship, you have guarantees.

And while that may not sound like much, or worse, may sound like too much to risk, the truth is that you're going to miss that when it's gone.

Though this may sound contradictory to my previous posts, urging you to act despite the possibility of losing her, it is not. My advice is the same. You must risk losing her, you must risk the possibility of her losing interest in you to actually gain the opportunity to hook up with her.

All this post is about is that you must cherish the gift of being single. Quit wishing for a girlfriend or looking for a relationship or a threesome or for anything in an obsessive compulsive way. Often, getting the prize is less rewarding than going after the prize.

As a single man, you have the ability to go up to an attractive stranger and not know if she's attracted to you physically, and not know if what you say will turn her off, and not know if you'll have any chemistry. That's possibility. That's the hunt. Enjoy it.


  1. This post reminds me of the old wolf metaphor. Either hook up, or scare her away by revealing your intentions. But stop tip toeing around her and your desires.

  2. Interesting way of looking at it Erich, hadn't thought about that.