Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Time Orientation, Consequences, and Newton

I saw the full version of this interesting video and it got me thinking about girls. Very little gets me thinking about things other than girls.

Basically, there are people who constantly focus on the past, there are those who live only for the moment, and there are those who constantly work for a better future. Each has its advantages and disadvantages, and we all have a little bit of each inside of us.

When it comes to people however, the video says it is better to be present oriented, at least in that moment.

My guess is that if you are having trouble with girls or people in general, it's because you are future oriented. "What do I do to get this girl in bed with me, will she like me, I wonder how many kids we'll have?" are just some of the questions running through your head. Either that or you are past oriented, in which you constantly compare the girl you are talking with to other girls or you are trying to avoid mistakes of the past, ie "the last time I made a move, the girl rejected me so this time I won't make a move so she doesn't reject me."

Either way, you are not focused on this moment with this girl. And there's a simple solution. Being that you are so focused on the consequences of your reaction, learn to accept there will be consequences to any action.

According to Newton's Third Law of Motion, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That means if you want something great to happen, you have to expect something equally bad to happen. Simply put, winners are willing to lose. If you play to "never lose", you'll also never "win" because when you take steps to minimize the negative, you are effectively taking steps to minimize the positive. Low risk means low rewards.

Take for example that cute girl from work. Instead of thinking "I'd like to fuck her in 3.5 hours" think "I'd like to put my hand between her legs right now". The consequences could be good, the consequences could be bad. But if you're focused on what could happen, good or bad, you're not focused on the present, you're not focused on her, and you're not focused on what you want right now.

Accept that there will be consequences to your actions, then ignore them and act anyway. There is only what you are willing to live with and what you are not. If you are willing to live with rejection, you are more likely to risk failing big. And if you are more likely to risk failing big, you are also more likely to win big.


  1. A very interesting video. Reminds me of a Carlos Mencia comedy sketch, where he said Americans were successful, because Mexicans preferred longer lunch breaks at work, versus Americans cramming as much work as possible.

    I've thought a lot about setting goals and delayed gratification, over the past few years. Do I hang out, or play video games at home, or do I set a schedule and do chores and do homework. What is the advantage of doing school work (or chores), if I'm not into it? I don't live with my parents, so there's no one going to try to enforce it. I even bought a book on procrastination.

    I even have guilt sometimes about not having family dinner regularly. I'm 29 and sometimes even have guilt, for not doing anything with my family aside of family dinner!

    Recently we went fishing and went to the gun range, with my parents, and that's mostly because of my encouragement and planning. Like MJ used to say "Make that change".

    Here's an article I read a few years back about women overtaking men educationally.

    Last night. I got out of my boxing gym and went to Starbucks, another coffee shop (once Starbucks closed), and then Denny's. At Starbucks I acted like an extrovert and left feeling like I'd "performed" for the two female workers there. At the other coffee shop and Denny's restaurant, I sat there continuing to read my paleontology book and think about the women that were near me and how I remained silent and my anxiety grew.

    I thought about my awkward trips to coffee shops and restaurants. Where I went to, to be around attractive woman (that worked there), that I'd probably never close.

    And I thought about what I could do next time, to overcome my short comings. Then it hit me. That's what I'm always doing. I put off interactions or closing, but I'm always planning for the future, cuz "I'll get it next time, when things are perfect, or I've got that magic skill that bypasses risk." But that day of course never comes (Procrastinators are closet perfectionists).

    A few days ago, I read your previous post and thought "I'll flirt and close with every woman I see" (My latest plan!). I'll use this blanket approach. I ended up being quiet since then, because that's not me. Btw, I got that, out of your "You've got to risk losing her, to get her."

    Come to think of it. I can't think of any of my old initial interactions, where I said anything spectacular, or interesting. We talked about small things and eventually I got a number.

    As far as past and present. I've realized over the past year or two, that I went from living in the moment, to living in the past (ten years ago, when my personal life went to hell). I realized, that once things got bad enough in my life, I didn't start living in the present or for the future.

    Basically, I stopped thinking about you (insert lost love name here), and started thinking about me again, when things got bad enough with me, and probably because time had passed.

    I'd say now I'm a present guy with pleasure and a future guy (always planning and putting off) with responsibilities and women.

    This isn't a rant, but a long post of random things that came out. I really have made my life better over the past four years. When something strikes me in your post, my comments shall floweth.

    Keep it simple, close and fuck those plans for naught.


  2. Exactly.

    (and the guilt you felt for "performing" like an extrovert - also a result of past orientation. If you enjoyed it in the moment, it's all that matters).