waving the virgin flag

Hey Dirk!

I've been thinking about some suggestions for your blog. Here's one of my personal BIG hangups: my lack of sexual experience, and lack of serious relationships. I feel like i don't have a "sexual identity", because of my lack of experience with having sex with women, and having relationships. I feel a lot like i have to hide this, since that seems like the smartest thing to do. I have a feeling women and people in general can SMELL it, though. I feel uncomfortable touching women and looking them in the eyes, just because my desire is so big towards them. I get shy, because the feelings are overwhelming (especially when i'm talking to REALLY sexy women). The only girls i can more or less feel completely no shyness towards, are the ones i'm not attracted to :-)

You can't exactly brag to everybody you're an almost virgin, and have only had sex with prostitutes. With me personally, this comes along with a feeling of "unworthiness in the world of having sex with beautiful women".

So, i guess my suggestion for one of your blog posts would be, how you, Dirk Manley, would handle being a virgin in his late twenties, or having a big lack of experience with women in general. I presume having read your posts, you'll say it doesn't really matter if you focus on what you want, but i'm curious what you would have to say about this subject.

Rock on dude, and thanks again for your blog posts!

Pieter

hey pieter,

admitting your problem is the first step towards fixing it. if you don't know what to fix, how can you fix it?

i too lost my virginity in my mid-twenties. so i can understand the fear that comes with not knowing how she will react and the confusion that comes from not knowing what to do.

but the solution is simple, fortunately. you even guessed correctly at my response about focusing on what you want. but there is a big difference between focusing on what you want and actually getting it. it is possible to focus on your desires and go about it in entirely complicated and unproductive ways. as a reader of my posts, you should understand i also advocate keeping it simple. tell her what you wrote here so brilliantly and seductively:

I feel uncomfortable touching women and looking them in the eyes, just because my desire is so big towards them. I get shy, because the feelings are overwhelming (especially when i'm talking to REALLY sexy women).

i can't imagine any woman not wetting herself and raping you when she hears that your desire for her is so much you can't function normally. i have never advocated being cool, funny, or charming. the idea that you have to earn the right to speak your mind is not an idea i promote. you have to do no tricks to say what you said above. the rest is manning up and realizing actions speak louder than words. so even if she doesn't ravish you herself, if she doesn't run away, it's her way of saying "try me". she is giving you permission to have your way with her.

i can't tell you why you should feel worthy of women. that's something you have to figure out and decide. but i bet there are incredibly attractive women who do look at you and think you are incredibly attractive. and it's your job to find out who those women are by making the first move.

if you still find yourself unable to go after what you want, work your way up starting with women you feel comfortable around, even if they are unattractive by other's standards. all that really matters is that she turns you on. each subsequent woman should be more attractive than the last. this way you get comfortable with the process from pick up to clean up.

see my post on being a man. the responsibility to get what you want is yours. let go of the idea of being perfect, smooth, or worthy.