Saturday night, I had a boys night out with two of my good friends. One recently broke up with his girlfriend and was nervous about trying to pick up girls after being out of practice for nearly 4 years. Which is understandable as it's only been a month since the break up was official.
The other friend just moved here from South America and to turn on his charm, he simply turns on his accent.
Guess which one got more numbers. Guess if I think it matters. I don't.
After chatting for a while, sharing stories of past conquests and failures, we were feeling frisky and with our drinks in hand, started talking to some women.
Now, both friends have different tastes in women. My buddy from South America is intimated by tall girls. So he didn't talk to them. My other buddy is intimated by tall girls too, but he enjoys intimidation. A girl who intimidates him turns him on.
Both guys approached women. Both used different tactics. My South America friend would stare down a girl. And I don't mean simply look at her, but actually stare at her. When she looked back at him, he'd go and talk to her. He didn't approach a lot of women however. That whole night, I think he approached only two women. The second one's boyfriend came over. And the first one worked there, pushing a cart around with various elixirs.
He ended up getting neither of their numbers. But they were the only two women he felt a compelling need to talk to. He could care less for the others, so he didn't bother.
The lesson to learn from him is that he just did what he wanted.
For example, once three girls approached all three of us. One was smoking. The other two were just cute. My South American friend was only interested in the hot one. She wasn't hot enough for him to approach, but hot enough to let her do the work. In fact, I think she approached because physically speaking, she was most attracted to my South American friend. Unfortunately for him, once she started talking to all of us, she seemed more interested in my other buddy. Which left the two of us playing wingman with the two other girls. I did my part. Which is flirt and keep her entertained without betraying my girlfriend. Which simply means joking around, teasing, and a few compliments without leading her on.
My South American friend however, happened to be distracted by the elixir girl. As he chatted her up, one of the girls felt left out and scorned, so she took her friends with her to the bathroom. I actually had to point out to my South American friend why they left. But neither of us held it against him. He was simply following his instincts. He wasn't attracted to the girls we were with, so he focused on the one he was attracted to.
My recently single friend, on the other hand, approached anyone he found reasonably attractive. His take - it's too soon for him to date anyone seriously right now when he's still carrying a flame for his ex, so it's simply all about the sex should he get so lucky. Some were cougars. Some were younger. In my opinion, I thought all were hot.
His approach was surprisingly bold, yet formulaic. Regardless if a girl was with a group or not, he'd walk up, say hi, and trade introductions. Then he'd say he found her (or the entire group) attractive and was wondering if she (or if anyone of them) was single because he wasn't interested in stepping on any toes.
Invariably, some were single. And they flirted for a bit, getting to know each other, teasing one another, joking, touching, etc. When conversation ran dry, he'd ask them out for coffee, regardless of how well the conversation went, regardless of how much chemistry he felt. Then he came back to join us and brag.
Some rejected him. But most accepted. Of the girls who agreed to meet up with him, every single one of them have set up a date this week with him. Sometimes a guy just gets lucky.
The thing to learn from him is that he kept his words simple. It was straight to the point and without any BS. Flirting was saved till after he confessed he was attracted to her and she admitted she was single and open to dating.
But his vibe, or attitude, all night was "I'm just having some fun." He was in a good mood and it didn't feel like he was working. I theorize that he could have said anything and still gotten the number if he kept the same vibe. But the very fact that the words did not matter meant he could cut out all the bullshit "gaming" and focus on straight talk. Good attitude + directness = success for him. Not with every girl he was interested in. But with enough to keep him happy.
The funny thing is, he unknowingly went for the elixir girl too. She rejected him, but she also explained why. It might have been bullshit, but had my South American friend just asked her out, he'd have not wasted the entire night pining about her and freed himself to move on. Or gotten her number if it was indeed bullshit and she was simply attracted to Mr. South America and not my single friend.
At the end of the night, Mr. South America actually said he thought he didn't waste time bullshitting until he saw how my single friend rolled. Needless to say, Mr. South America will not be wasting any more time cutting to the chase anymore.
That's not to say he had a bad or unsuccessful night. It's just that my single friend was the only one who got any numbers and dates from that night. Their cute friends were very interested in Mr. South America, so I'm sure if those dates turn into double dates, both guys will be getting laid.
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
What I Am
In my last post, I addressed what I am not advocating.
In this post, I'll address what I am - fun.
The way I see it, there are two ways of having fun:
1. with words
2. with actions
Words
Imagine the following situation, you're walking on the beach and see an attractive woman staring at the sunset. She can see you. In fact, as you look at her, you get the sense she's checking you out while pretending not to. How do you approach?
You can walk up and say hi and talk about how beautiful the sunset is. And if you're smart and flirtatious, you will immediately say just after that, "not as beautiful as you." Then you'll both laugh and you'll admit "that was cheesy, but true." And if you're like me, you might try to explain some more "I'm just saying, I'd rather look at you naked than a sunset" while holding back your laughter but not a smile.
Or, you can do what I did and simply shout "I'm better looking than that sunset" - it was the first thing that came to my mind.
Actions
You're on a first date. You're having a polite get-to-know each other conversation about work or childhood, or something else you could have with your grandmother. She says something funny once in a while and you laugh. You say something funny when it comes naturally to you and she laughs and caresses your shoulder while pretending to slap it. Maybe a little too much because what you said isn't all that funny.
But that's natural too because your knees are touching one another and your hand is on the inside of her thigh. And when you talk, you're whispering in her ears. Perhaps your nose brushes her lobes once in a while.
Or maybe you're sitting across from her, unable to touch her. And while you get to know each other, you stare into her eyes. Your fingers run down your lips and neck, as they would on her if you were in bed naked with each other.
Conclusion
What you should take away from this post is not that when picking up girls you should have fun with words and when on a date have fun with actions.
What you should take away from this post is that you should have fun in a way that expresses your interest all the time.
Sometimes your interest is that of distinterest - you are not attracted. Do not stick around pretending to be. Sometimes using words comes more naturally than actions to express your desire for her. Sometimes actions are more natural.
Whatever the method, the end goal is the same - have fun. Go big or go home. Life is too short to be timid and boring. Be clear about what you want. And have fun doing it. Make it a game.
As I said to another reader, you have to test her to see if she's any fun. But the ONLY way to do that is by having fun yourself with and without her. Are you going to bore yourself to death just because she's not with you?
NO! Fuck that. Have fun without her. If she's any good for you, she'll enjoy what you do to have fun. If she's not, she'll get out of the way. But that requires you actually have fun regardless of what she's into.
It's your life. Step one of the big three is living your life. And do you want a boring life?
Think of it this way - you're part of a night cleaning crew at an office or whatever. Do you just do your job and leave, quickly, quietly? Or do you try to have fun within the limits you have?
I know if I was stuck doing the same mindless job every day, I'd find ways to have fun, ways to entertain myself, without breaking any of the rules. If the rules are too restrictive, I'd find another job. Life is about making myself happy, not being a slave to others.
If you think of girls as a numbers game, that means you have to approach and date a lot of women to find the one. You can make it boring. Or you can find ways to entertain yourself.
You're not going to scare of any chick you actually want by doing so.
Because the chicks you actually want will be into whatever you do to entertain yourself. And that's the point. You want to scare off anyone who is not into you. Whoever remains, well, she actually enjoys your company. But that requires you entertaining yourself, as opposed to doing something to "win her" or worse, "not scare her."
You don't want to break any rules, like raping her, assaulting her, stealing from her, or drugging her. And if you're sane and normal, those won't even be options for you. But that still leaves a lot of room to have fun with.
As a tip, I'll say the easiest way I know how to have fun is to be honest. Approaching brutally honest, but I don't like the word brutal. I don't think of the truth as brutal. But I can be blunt. And I often enjoy it. And being a genuinely nice guy, I find it hard to deliver the truth in a mean way.
If I'm sexually attracted to someone, I'm blunt about it - with words AND actions.
Now.
Are you going to approach 100 women and use the exact same boring line starting with "excuse me"?
Or are you going to approach 100 women and try to have fun each time?
In this post, I'll address what I am - fun.
The way I see it, there are two ways of having fun:
1. with words
2. with actions
Words
Imagine the following situation, you're walking on the beach and see an attractive woman staring at the sunset. She can see you. In fact, as you look at her, you get the sense she's checking you out while pretending not to. How do you approach?
You can walk up and say hi and talk about how beautiful the sunset is. And if you're smart and flirtatious, you will immediately say just after that, "not as beautiful as you." Then you'll both laugh and you'll admit "that was cheesy, but true." And if you're like me, you might try to explain some more "I'm just saying, I'd rather look at you naked than a sunset" while holding back your laughter but not a smile.
Or, you can do what I did and simply shout "I'm better looking than that sunset" - it was the first thing that came to my mind.
Actions
You're on a first date. You're having a polite get-to-know each other conversation about work or childhood, or something else you could have with your grandmother. She says something funny once in a while and you laugh. You say something funny when it comes naturally to you and she laughs and caresses your shoulder while pretending to slap it. Maybe a little too much because what you said isn't all that funny.
But that's natural too because your knees are touching one another and your hand is on the inside of her thigh. And when you talk, you're whispering in her ears. Perhaps your nose brushes her lobes once in a while.
Or maybe you're sitting across from her, unable to touch her. And while you get to know each other, you stare into her eyes. Your fingers run down your lips and neck, as they would on her if you were in bed naked with each other.
Conclusion
What you should take away from this post is not that when picking up girls you should have fun with words and when on a date have fun with actions.
What you should take away from this post is that you should have fun in a way that expresses your interest all the time.
Sometimes your interest is that of distinterest - you are not attracted. Do not stick around pretending to be. Sometimes using words comes more naturally than actions to express your desire for her. Sometimes actions are more natural.
Whatever the method, the end goal is the same - have fun. Go big or go home. Life is too short to be timid and boring. Be clear about what you want. And have fun doing it. Make it a game.
As I said to another reader, you have to test her to see if she's any fun. But the ONLY way to do that is by having fun yourself with and without her. Are you going to bore yourself to death just because she's not with you?
NO! Fuck that. Have fun without her. If she's any good for you, she'll enjoy what you do to have fun. If she's not, she'll get out of the way. But that requires you actually have fun regardless of what she's into.
It's your life. Step one of the big three is living your life. And do you want a boring life?
Think of it this way - you're part of a night cleaning crew at an office or whatever. Do you just do your job and leave, quickly, quietly? Or do you try to have fun within the limits you have?
I know if I was stuck doing the same mindless job every day, I'd find ways to have fun, ways to entertain myself, without breaking any of the rules. If the rules are too restrictive, I'd find another job. Life is about making myself happy, not being a slave to others.
If you think of girls as a numbers game, that means you have to approach and date a lot of women to find the one. You can make it boring. Or you can find ways to entertain yourself.
You're not going to scare of any chick you actually want by doing so.
Because the chicks you actually want will be into whatever you do to entertain yourself. And that's the point. You want to scare off anyone who is not into you. Whoever remains, well, she actually enjoys your company. But that requires you entertaining yourself, as opposed to doing something to "win her" or worse, "not scare her."
You don't want to break any rules, like raping her, assaulting her, stealing from her, or drugging her. And if you're sane and normal, those won't even be options for you. But that still leaves a lot of room to have fun with.
As a tip, I'll say the easiest way I know how to have fun is to be honest. Approaching brutally honest, but I don't like the word brutal. I don't think of the truth as brutal. But I can be blunt. And I often enjoy it. And being a genuinely nice guy, I find it hard to deliver the truth in a mean way.
If I'm sexually attracted to someone, I'm blunt about it - with words AND actions.
Now.
Are you going to approach 100 women and use the exact same boring line starting with "excuse me"?
Or are you going to approach 100 women and try to have fun each time?
What I'm Not
I've said it before, but I do not advocate being either direct or indirect. Nor do I advocate being clever or boring. But I can see how some might be confused. It's important not to look at any one of my posts as having all the answers.
More often than not, they are triggered by some experience I or my friends or my readers have had and attempt to describe what could have been done in that situation to better express their interest in the girl. That doesn't mean they would have gotten the girl. It just means they could have done something more to make their interest more clear. Or have had more fun doing so.
Sometimes guys get too serious and treat this like work. They walk up to a girl, stand five feet away, talk about the weather, and then ask her out. Of course she'll say no! I'll advocate having more fun and being a bit more aggressive in such a situation. And then they'll see me as advocating being clever or witty or any of the number of things other pick schools of thought have advocated in the past.
And that's not true either.
To get what I advocate, it's essential to look at all my readings and see what applies to you. Just as not all cultures cook the same food and not all musicians play the same types of songs, not every man gets a woman the same way.
But all cultures cook delicious food, there's good music in every genre (except trance), and every man is capable of getting a woman he is attracted to. And it doesn't happen by following the recipe mechanically.
It happens by adding a bit of fun and your own personality into the mix while keeping your eyes on the prize.
More often than not, they are triggered by some experience I or my friends or my readers have had and attempt to describe what could have been done in that situation to better express their interest in the girl. That doesn't mean they would have gotten the girl. It just means they could have done something more to make their interest more clear. Or have had more fun doing so.
Sometimes guys get too serious and treat this like work. They walk up to a girl, stand five feet away, talk about the weather, and then ask her out. Of course she'll say no! I'll advocate having more fun and being a bit more aggressive in such a situation. And then they'll see me as advocating being clever or witty or any of the number of things other pick schools of thought have advocated in the past.
And that's not true either.
To get what I advocate, it's essential to look at all my readings and see what applies to you. Just as not all cultures cook the same food and not all musicians play the same types of songs, not every man gets a woman the same way.
But all cultures cook delicious food, there's good music in every genre (except trance), and every man is capable of getting a woman he is attracted to. And it doesn't happen by following the recipe mechanically.
It happens by adding a bit of fun and your own personality into the mix while keeping your eyes on the prize.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Bitch/Sex Paradox
When you first get into a relationship, everything is fantastic. Frequent sex, no arguments, etc.
But the longer you stay in that relationship, the less sex you have and the more arguments you have.
I'm not going to blame the lack of sex on the girl. I'm going to blame her bitchiness and arguing on the lack of sex.
The more sex a girl has, the more sex a girl wants. For men, sadly, the opposite is true, at least when it is with the same person. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Several evolutionary factors contribute to it and make it beneficial.
But for women, especially in long term relationships, the less sex she has, the less she is able to deal with stress and the more likely she is to turn her frustrations and anger towards the release of her frustrations - the man in her life.
If you're in a long term relationship and wondering why you're arguing more*, it's because you're having less sex. Fuck her rough, fuck her hard. Make her submit to your cock in bed, and she'll submit to you in life. Start early, maintain for the rest of your life.
Viagra has a greater purpose than just getting an old man off - keeping his woman happy.
*this assumes there is no real reason for the argument. If you're having real problems, this is not the answer.
But the longer you stay in that relationship, the less sex you have and the more arguments you have.
I'm not going to blame the lack of sex on the girl. I'm going to blame her bitchiness and arguing on the lack of sex.
The more sex a girl has, the more sex a girl wants. For men, sadly, the opposite is true, at least when it is with the same person. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Several evolutionary factors contribute to it and make it beneficial.
But for women, especially in long term relationships, the less sex she has, the less she is able to deal with stress and the more likely she is to turn her frustrations and anger towards the release of her frustrations - the man in her life.
If you're in a long term relationship and wondering why you're arguing more*, it's because you're having less sex. Fuck her rough, fuck her hard. Make her submit to your cock in bed, and she'll submit to you in life. Start early, maintain for the rest of your life.
Viagra has a greater purpose than just getting an old man off - keeping his woman happy.
*this assumes there is no real reason for the argument. If you're having real problems, this is not the answer.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Mission 3
So you've gotten good at getting phone numbers and dates, but you still aren't getting laid, so what are you doing wrong?
Nothing. Or everything.
Do the girls know that they're on a date with you and not simply hanging out with a friend? Really? You used the word "date" and have not hidden it behind humor or sarcasm so as to diffuse its meaning?
A girl has to know your desire for her. Sometimes you use clear unambiguous words. And you always back it up with action.
Take for example the phrase "Yeah, I want to fuck you."
Try saying it sarcastically. Right now. Sitting right there. Say it out loud or in your head.
It will probably sound something like this:
"Sshhheaaah. I want to fuck you" *eye roll*
The words were fast, lots of variation in tone of voice and facial expression.
Now trying saying it as if you really meant it.
It will probably sound something like this:
"Yeah."
*look into her eyes*
*glance down to her lips*
*your eyes slowly drift back to her eyes*
"I want to fuck you"
You'll probably say it softer, kinder, and slower. Of course, that's not the only way to say it. You may say it without using any words. You may use different words.
But your actions and tone of voice would likely be only slightly different.
And that's what mission three is about. Being sexual.
With every girl you meet and are attracted to, you are to be sexual with them. You may choose to wait until you're on a date or seem to be clicking, you may choose to start immediately.
The point here isn't to avoid rejection. If she's not interested, you will be rejected, make no doubt about it. But that's the point. You want to sort out the ones who are interested from the ones who aren't.
And I will say that the sooner she rejects you because of your sexual advances, the better.
Why waste time on a girl who isn't interested?
Nothing. Or everything.
Do the girls know that they're on a date with you and not simply hanging out with a friend? Really? You used the word "date" and have not hidden it behind humor or sarcasm so as to diffuse its meaning?
A girl has to know your desire for her. Sometimes you use clear unambiguous words. And you always back it up with action.
Take for example the phrase "Yeah, I want to fuck you."
Try saying it sarcastically. Right now. Sitting right there. Say it out loud or in your head.
It will probably sound something like this:
"Sshhheaaah. I want to fuck you" *eye roll*
The words were fast, lots of variation in tone of voice and facial expression.
Now trying saying it as if you really meant it.
It will probably sound something like this:
"Yeah."
*look into her eyes*
*glance down to her lips*
*your eyes slowly drift back to her eyes*
"I want to fuck you"
You'll probably say it softer, kinder, and slower. Of course, that's not the only way to say it. You may say it without using any words. You may use different words.
But your actions and tone of voice would likely be only slightly different.
And that's what mission three is about. Being sexual.
With every girl you meet and are attracted to, you are to be sexual with them. You may choose to wait until you're on a date or seem to be clicking, you may choose to start immediately.
The point here isn't to avoid rejection. If she's not interested, you will be rejected, make no doubt about it. But that's the point. You want to sort out the ones who are interested from the ones who aren't.
And I will say that the sooner she rejects you because of your sexual advances, the better.
Why waste time on a girl who isn't interested?
Meeting the Folks
It's always nerve racking to meet a girl's family for the first time. With her friends, it's likely they share her sense of humor or have something else in common with her. So if you get along with her, it's almost guaranteed you'll get along with her friends.
But her parents are a different story. Even if they do share the same sense of humor as you, you'll still find the need to hold some thoughts back. Sex jokes, for example, are off the table unless they're subtle.
A simple rule to help get by is that if you won't say it in front of your parents, don't say it in front of hers. Outside of that, have fun and let the good times roll.
But her parents are a different story. Even if they do share the same sense of humor as you, you'll still find the need to hold some thoughts back. Sex jokes, for example, are off the table unless they're subtle.
A simple rule to help get by is that if you won't say it in front of your parents, don't say it in front of hers. Outside of that, have fun and let the good times roll.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Sex Tip#3
When you are ready to close, do not ask for her number. Do not ask for a date. Only ask her back to your place or hers. Sex is the only close that counts. If she rejects your offer of sex and does not provide an appealing alternative (like a date or number), find another girl.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Stop Blaming Others
In addition to not blaming yourself when a girl doesn't accept your advances, you have to stop blaming others for "cockblocking" you.
Nothing bothers me more than when a guy says he didn't get the girl because his friends started talking to him or some strangers started talking to the girl he was interested in or that her friend pulled her away from him.
Not being able to take responsibility for your own short comings is probably why the girl, and people in general, are fine with not spending time with you. When you stop blaming others for your not getting laid, perhaps you will be able to find ways to get laid despite the obstacles you may have to face.
Everyone has obstacles, but there are those who get over them and there are those who blame them. A blamer doesn't get over his obstacles. He wallows in self-pity and bitterness. And I can't think of a lot of people who enjoy being around bitter people.
Nothing bothers me more than when a guy says he didn't get the girl because his friends started talking to him or some strangers started talking to the girl he was interested in or that her friend pulled her away from him.
Not being able to take responsibility for your own short comings is probably why the girl, and people in general, are fine with not spending time with you. When you stop blaming others for your not getting laid, perhaps you will be able to find ways to get laid despite the obstacles you may have to face.
Everyone has obstacles, but there are those who get over them and there are those who blame them. A blamer doesn't get over his obstacles. He wallows in self-pity and bitterness. And I can't think of a lot of people who enjoy being around bitter people.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Graduation Day
This made me smile.
He has arrived. Whose next?
Man, shit's been good the last week or two. I always wondered what it was that other guys seemed to have that I didn't. I think I figured it out. You strip away any agenda, or any thoughts of manipulation and replace it with honesty. From there, you just tell people your desires and sift out the ones that aren't on board, to just the ones that are. You express yourself freely and without any second guessing, because you do so without requiring any response. I'm still anxious at times, but I'm content. I've never been more content and comfortable communicating with people, than probably my childhood.
Shot off a couple texts tonight, to two different chicks. One didn't respond, the other I told I wanted to meet up and make out (after hardly talking to her in months), and we ended up doing that and more at her place.
He has arrived. Whose next?
Saturday, August 28, 2010
To Fuck or Not to Fuck?
Last night I was out with a good friend of mine. He was with a ridiculously cute girl who wanted to rape him.
During her trips to the bathroom, he confided he had no desire to fuck her. I thought it was stupid, but every man has to do right by himself.
Regardless, I had to know why. He said he was going through a phase where he was more interested in female friends than sex. And that's a perfectly valid reason.
But he was confused as to what to do because he was also attracted to her.
My advice: fuck her. Sex is not a life long commitment. And if she's cool enough to separate sex from love and monogamy, it's a chick you want to be friends with. And if she's not, then you found that out sooner than you would have by putting it off. That and if you avoid sex, she'll still lust after you in secret and that's not a real friendship. And that's assuming she's willing to stay friends if sex is not an option. She has a say in remaining friends too.
Sex solves everything, especially when she's made it obvious its what she wants and you want it too, even if you're split about the decision.
Don't try to control the future.
During her trips to the bathroom, he confided he had no desire to fuck her. I thought it was stupid, but every man has to do right by himself.
Regardless, I had to know why. He said he was going through a phase where he was more interested in female friends than sex. And that's a perfectly valid reason.
But he was confused as to what to do because he was also attracted to her.
My advice: fuck her. Sex is not a life long commitment. And if she's cool enough to separate sex from love and monogamy, it's a chick you want to be friends with. And if she's not, then you found that out sooner than you would have by putting it off. That and if you avoid sex, she'll still lust after you in secret and that's not a real friendship. And that's assuming she's willing to stay friends if sex is not an option. She has a say in remaining friends too.
Sex solves everything, especially when she's made it obvious its what she wants and you want it too, even if you're split about the decision.
Don't try to control the future.
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