Graduation Day

This made me smile.

Man, shit's been good the last week or two. I always wondered what it was that other guys seemed to have that I didn't. I think I figured it out. You strip away any agenda, or any thoughts of manipulation and replace it with honesty. From there, you just tell people your desires and sift out the ones that aren't on board, to just the ones that are. You express yourself freely and without any second guessing, because you do so without requiring any response. I'm still anxious at times, but I'm content. I've never been more content and comfortable communicating with people, than probably my childhood.

Shot off a couple texts tonight, to two different chicks. One didn't respond, the other I told I wanted to meet up and make out (after hardly talking to her in months), and we ended up doing that and more at her place.

He has arrived. Whose next?

Why you fear rejection

I made an interesting observation recently. A month ago, I decided to "retire" a couple of the places, I used to go to for fast food and coffee. I'd go there to interact with the female staff that I found attractive. I'd rarely try to close, mostly opting for passive awkward conversation, of me trying to be clever or run game. It was hit or miss, approval seeking and I was tired of doing it and being reminded of my history with it.

I decided to start going to a different local Starbucks, to get coffee and read at regularly. I also decided to stop acting clever and instead, be in the moment aka let my mood fluctuate naturally.

I noticed quickly that I got into just as many, or more conversations, with the staff and fellow customers, as I had before, at the other Starbucks, when I'd tried to be clever/tailor my attitude to whatever I thought would win peoples affection. This time it felt natural and I didn't feel like a fraud and self-conscious, when my "act" didn't pan out.

Most importantly, the people I gelled with naturally, became that much more clear to me.

That part in bold is important. When you put on an act, when you try something you feel is fake, you feel bad when it fails. When you let things occur naturally, with no false pretenses, no "game", failure doesn't feel bad. And the connections you make are far more real and solid.

Be real, be natural, quit putting on an act. You don't have to earn her number. You just have to ask for it. You don't have to wow her, you just have to talk to her. If it works, it will be solid. If it doesn't, you won't feel bad about it.

Win/win.

sex is a team sport

a lot of guys place a lot of responsibility on themselves. now, responsibility is an essential component of being a man, but a woman is a person too. as great a player as michael jackson was, he could not have scored the points he did or won the games he did without the help of his team. and while he did his best to motivate them, it was ultimately up to them to bring their "a" game. and not everyone who tried was cut out for the team. some didn't even get to try out. and those that did make the cut didn't always end up starting. some were just second stringers. what about the players who were good enough? well, they didn't all want to play for chicago. some wanted to play for los angeles or orlando.

what does this have to do with women?

my point is that having sex with a woman is not like rome sacking a city. it's not an invasion. it's not a competition. when you have sex with her, the team of you and her win. she enjoys it too. she wants it too. she's working with you to make it happen. she's not working against you and you have to get rid of all thoughts inside your head that tell you she's a thing to be conquered.

see, it's up to her whether she plays with you or not. and she has to be both willing and able. just because you want her doesn't mean you will get her. the question you have to ask yourself is why would you want to play with someone who doesn't want to play with you?

there are easy ways to see if a girl wants to play with you, if she wants to be on your team. you put your real personality forward. if she doesn't run away physically or mentally, she's down to play. when you flirt with her and tease her, she laughs. she wants you. when you touch her leg or waist, she goes with it. she wants you. but just because she's not running away doesn't mean she's good enough to play with you.

do you want any partner or do you want a great partner?

a chick who'd make a great partner, at least in my opinion based on my desires, would do that back to me. when i'm being real with her, she'll be real with me. when i'm flirting and teasing her, she'll flirt with and tease me. when i touch her, she'll touch me. i'm not just playing with her, she's playing back.

and even then that's not enough. her attempts at playing with me have to actually make me smile, they have to make me want to stay rather than run for the hills.

now, as a man, it's my job to trigger all this by actively doing what i'm seeking in return. i need someone whose good at assists and ally-oops. i need someone who can dunk. and as a man, it's my job to set up situations that test for this. but if she doesn't play back, it's not my fault. it's hers.

quit blaming yourself when she flakes on you or ignores you. quit trying to figure out how to get the girl. just go after her in a way that feels right to you; be simple and direct.

that will free you to have fun instead of living inside your head where your inner demons lurk. when you're not focused on methods, you're having fun, and you are able to test if she's the right one for you. you decide what you're looking for, she lets you know whether or not she fits that role.

you can't put a square peg inside a round hole.