What I'm Not

I've said it before, but I do not advocate being either direct or indirect. Nor do I advocate being clever or boring. But I can see how some might be confused. It's important not to look at any one of my posts as having all the answers.

More often than not, they are triggered by some experience I or my friends or my readers have had and attempt to describe what could have been done in that situation to better express their interest in the girl. That doesn't mean they would have gotten the girl. It just means they could have done something more to make their interest more clear. Or have had more fun doing so.

Sometimes guys get too serious and treat this like work. They walk up to a girl, stand five feet away, talk about the weather, and then ask her out. Of course she'll say no! I'll advocate having more fun and being a bit more aggressive in such a situation. And then they'll see me as advocating being clever or witty or any of the number of things other pick schools of thought have advocated in the past.

And that's not true either.

To get what I advocate, it's essential to look at all my readings and see what applies to you. Just as not all cultures cook the same food and not all musicians play the same types of songs, not every man gets a woman the same way.

But all cultures cook delicious food, there's good music in every genre (except trance), and every man is capable of getting a woman he is attracted to. And it doesn't happen by following the recipe mechanically.

It happens by adding a bit of fun and your own personality into the mix while keeping your eyes on the prize.

Stop Blaming Others

In addition to not blaming yourself when a girl doesn't accept your advances, you have to stop blaming others for "cockblocking" you.

Nothing bothers me more than when a guy says he didn't get the girl because his friends started talking to him or some strangers started talking to the girl he was interested in or that her friend pulled her away from him.

Not being able to take responsibility for your own short comings is probably why the girl, and people in general, are fine with not spending time with you. When you stop blaming others for your not getting laid, perhaps you will be able to find ways to get laid despite the obstacles you may have to face.

Everyone has obstacles, but there are those who get over them and there are those who blame them. A blamer doesn't get over his obstacles. He wallows in self-pity and bitterness. And I can't think of a lot of people who enjoy being around bitter people.

how to be comfortable with yourself

in the community, we hear a lot about comfort - that self-confidence is comfort with oneself and you need to build comfort to get her clothes off.

first, no matter what you do, you cannot make her comfortable. she makes herself comfortable, so forget about making her comfortable.

but you can make yourself comfortable. so how do you make yourself comfortable? in the same way you make yourself comfortable in anything else you do, such as lying in a new bed or wearing a pair of new jeans - you get familiar with your surroundings. but to what extent? after all, in a bed, your head lies on the pillow and at the head, not the foot of the bed. there's no point resting your head at the bottom in order to "get familiar" with that bed. and with jeans, there's only one way to wear them. you don't wear them inside out in order to get familiar with them. they stretch and fit the way you use them. they adapt to you and your needs.

it's the same with women. do what you want to do. it sounds easy, because it is. think of it in terms of comfort zones. with something or someone new, your comfort zone is very small. to get more comfortable, you need to stretch your comfort zone.

stretch a little or stretch a lot, depending on how fragile you think something is. start by looking at her, next saying that little joke you want to say but aren't sure is appropriate. then move to touching, see how it feels. keep doing and saying things you'd say anyway, but aren't sure is okay because you are completely familiar with this person's sense of humor, sensibility, etc. you might stretch yourself into something sexual if you're feeling it, you might not. neither is right or wrong.

but you keep stretching your comfort zone until you are able to do exactly what you want when you want without questioning yourself. your bed doesn't judge you for sleeping the way you do. and neither should your woman. you don't adapt to her. she adapts to you.