I've said it before, but I do not advocate being either direct or indirect. Nor do I advocate being clever or boring. But I can see how some might be confused. It's important not to look at any one of my posts as having all the answers.
More often than not, they are triggered by some experience I or my friends or my readers have had and attempt to describe what could have been done in that situation to better express their interest in the girl. That doesn't mean they would have gotten the girl. It just means they could have done something more to make their interest more clear. Or have had more fun doing so.
Sometimes guys get too serious and treat this like work. They walk up to a girl, stand five feet away, talk about the weather, and then ask her out. Of course she'll say no! I'll advocate having more fun and being a bit more aggressive in such a situation. And then they'll see me as advocating being clever or witty or any of the number of things other pick schools of thought have advocated in the past.
And that's not true either.
To get what I advocate, it's essential to look at all my readings and see what applies to you. Just as not all cultures cook the same food and not all musicians play the same types of songs, not every man gets a woman the same way.
But all cultures cook delicious food, there's good music in every genre (except trance), and every man is capable of getting a woman he is attracted to. And it doesn't happen by following the recipe mechanically.
It happens by adding a bit of fun and your own personality into the mix while keeping your eyes on the prize.
Showing posts with label boredom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boredom. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Safety and Boredom part 2
In the first part, I showed how boredom in relationships came from feelings of insecurity, not feelings of safety.
The same applies to picking up chicas as a single guy. The more secure you are in who you are, the more risks you will take. The more risks you take (such as making your sexual desires known), the more likely you are to get laid.
Likewise, the more insecure your are about yourself, the less chances you take. Any tiny hint of rejection or failure would crush your ego and self esteem, so to keep the status quo (no sex, but no rejection either), you refuse to take a risk and put yourself out there.
To summarize - the more confident you are, the more likely you are to risk rejection, the more likely you get laid (or whatever else it is you go after). The less confident you are, the less like you are to risk rejection, and the less likely you are to get a girl (or whatever else it is you go after).
Quit doubting whether you are good enough for something, go after it and let it reject you.
The same applies to picking up chicas as a single guy. The more secure you are in who you are, the more risks you will take. The more risks you take (such as making your sexual desires known), the more likely you are to get laid.
Likewise, the more insecure your are about yourself, the less chances you take. Any tiny hint of rejection or failure would crush your ego and self esteem, so to keep the status quo (no sex, but no rejection either), you refuse to take a risk and put yourself out there.
To summarize - the more confident you are, the more likely you are to risk rejection, the more likely you get laid (or whatever else it is you go after). The less confident you are, the less like you are to risk rejection, and the less likely you are to get a girl (or whatever else it is you go after).
Quit doubting whether you are good enough for something, go after it and let it reject you.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Safety and Boredom
This is for you guys in relationships. I hear from a lot guys (and women too), who say they get bored by the safety that relationships bring.
My retort to them is that they are with the wrong person. I don't believe safety and boredom have anything to do with each other in a relationship. Boredom can and often does arise from a lack of safety. Here's what I mean:
When do most people take risks? When they believe everything will be all right - when they'll come out of the risk safely!
If you're bored in your relationship, it's because you don't trust each other enough to take risks together - whether it's bringing in a sex toy or another person, or just being honest with the other person about your likes and dislikes (usually in bed, but other areas too).
Instead, to be "safe", they simply tolerate their lack of satisfaction in the relationship until they feel so confined and bored, they have to do something drastic to break out of it.
If you have your guard up, you're not safe, and you stay on the much beaten path to keep yourself protected, eventually getting bored and moving on.
Try being honest with the other person about your desires and pet peeves, through actions or words. You're only truly safe if you let your guard down. And when you're safe, you can take risks which keeps relationship fresh.
My retort to them is that they are with the wrong person. I don't believe safety and boredom have anything to do with each other in a relationship. Boredom can and often does arise from a lack of safety. Here's what I mean:
When do most people take risks? When they believe everything will be all right - when they'll come out of the risk safely!
If you're bored in your relationship, it's because you don't trust each other enough to take risks together - whether it's bringing in a sex toy or another person, or just being honest with the other person about your likes and dislikes (usually in bed, but other areas too).
Instead, to be "safe", they simply tolerate their lack of satisfaction in the relationship until they feel so confined and bored, they have to do something drastic to break out of it.
If you have your guard up, you're not safe, and you stay on the much beaten path to keep yourself protected, eventually getting bored and moving on.
Try being honest with the other person about your desires and pet peeves, through actions or words. You're only truly safe if you let your guard down. And when you're safe, you can take risks which keeps relationship fresh.
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