So you've gotten good at getting phone numbers and dates, but you still aren't getting laid, so what are you doing wrong?
Nothing. Or everything.
Do the girls know that they're on a date with you and not simply hanging out with a friend? Really? You used the word "date" and have not hidden it behind humor or sarcasm so as to diffuse its meaning?
A girl has to know your desire for her. Sometimes you use clear unambiguous words. And you always back it up with action.
Take for example the phrase "Yeah, I want to fuck you."
Try saying it sarcastically. Right now. Sitting right there. Say it out loud or in your head.
It will probably sound something like this:
"Sshhheaaah. I want to fuck you" *eye roll*
The words were fast, lots of variation in tone of voice and facial expression.
Now trying saying it as if you really meant it.
It will probably sound something like this:
"Yeah."
*look into her eyes*
*glance down to her lips*
*your eyes slowly drift back to her eyes*
"I want to fuck you"
You'll probably say it softer, kinder, and slower. Of course, that's not the only way to say it. You may say it without using any words. You may use different words.
But your actions and tone of voice would likely be only slightly different.
And that's what mission three is about. Being sexual.
With every girl you meet and are attracted to, you are to be sexual with them. You may choose to wait until you're on a date or seem to be clicking, you may choose to start immediately.
The point here isn't to avoid rejection. If she's not interested, you will be rejected, make no doubt about it. But that's the point. You want to sort out the ones who are interested from the ones who aren't.
And I will say that the sooner she rejects you because of your sexual advances, the better.
Why waste time on a girl who isn't interested?
Showing posts with label missions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label missions. Show all posts
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Mission 2
A while ago I posted Mission 1. Here is Mission 2:
1) When on a first or second, or even a third date, go somewhere you can afford and normally have fun at.
2) When there, talk to her, get to know her, and try to have some fun. This should be easy because you are already some place where you know how to have fun.
3) Make a move.
Now, to explain the three step mission above:
One - You want to go some place that you feel comfortable. Getting comfortable enough to be yourself around a new person is challenging enough. Do not make the mistake of going someplace where you have no idea what you are doing. This is not to impress her. It is simply to limit your obstacles so that you are free to focus your undivided attention on her. One of the benefits of going to place you already are comfortable in is that she gets to see your fun, calm, confident side. Confidence is just another word for being comfortable with oneself. It's easy to feel and be confident in a place you love and a place that loves you back. It also gives her a chance to get to know you by being an easy conversation starter. Think back to Show and Tell in Kindergarten. Share the place that brings you joy with her. By doing so, you end up sharing a little bit about yourself and she gets to know you.
Suggestions: dive bars where you normally play pool or drink at, video rental stores or supermarkets, coffee shops, the pier or the beach, a park, art gallery, museum, a bookstore, the mall, whatever and where ever you would go even if by yourself. If you're the type who goes to wine tastings or martini bars, that's cool too. Do not let the method define who you are. You define the method.
Two - Talk to her. Get to know her. And don't take things too seriously. In other words, loosen up, enjoy your surroundings, your date, and the moment. Have fun. Trust your instincts. If she's talking about her grandma dying, don't make a joke out of it. On the other hand, if she's talking politics and if you do not want to talk about that, feel free to make a joke and change subjects. It's one thing to tell a girl you're a great guy and another thing to show her. Show her how awesome and true to yourself you are (one and the same thing, in my opinion).
Three - make a move. You can tell a girl you find her sexy all you want, but if you aren't touching her, nibbling at her ears, or trying to kiss her, then she's not likely to believe you. Actions speak louder than words. Show and Tell applies here too. Talking sex is fine, but be sexual. Look at her with a genuine hunger in your eyes. If you have to fake wanting her, then you don't really want her. Move on to someone you really want, even if others do not. Your sex life is yours. It is not a social status competition.
In all of this, do not fear rejection. Welcome it. Search it out. That doesn't mean pretending to be or do something you are not or would never do.
It does mean be honest about what you want. It's the only real way to find out if she wants the same things too. If she doesn't want what you want, she will reject you sooner or later, and sooner is better than later. The sooner she rejects you, the sooner you can get back to searching for what you want instead of wasting time on someone who doesn't.
If she has no interest in the date you suggest, it's clear she does not enjoy the things you do. Do you want a girl like that as a girlfriend? As a one night stand? I do not want a girlfriend who doesn't enjoy what I do. But a one night stand, I could care less. But as I slept with more women, one night stands interested me less and less, though I still had my share*. Each man comes to his own conclusion. Trust your own desires, your own instincts.
If you make a move and she backs off, read her expression. Is it "what the hell?!" or is it "silly boy, not right now"? And more importantly, how does her reaction make you feel? Do you feel like trying again, or do you feel like a heel or end up resenting her for it? If you feel like trying again, do it again a little later when it feels right. If you feel bad about it, cut the date short and move on to something more fun for you. But you got to thicken your skin so you don't get butt-hurt at every rejection. And the only way to do that is to keep making a move.
Lastly, a girl is more than her looks. Otherwise, she may as well be a robot or mannequin. If that is what you want, do not waste your time on real women. But if you want a real woman, quit judging yourself. Quit thinking it's you who messed up. Quit blaming yourself and start judging her. Judge her by her personality, how she acts around you and how she treats you.
*Note: Girls who like you are willing to do whatever you suggest. So if you suggest something, they will do it. If they do not, they don't like you enough. Do not try to change their minds. Simply shift your focus to other girls. They will then either change their mind, make a counter-offer that interests you, or move on themselves. Either way, you win. In regards to one night stands, a girl who is down for a one night stand with you will also do whatever you suggest. You could be drinking with a couple of friends and invite her out and she will come dressed to the nines.
1) When on a first or second, or even a third date, go somewhere you can afford and normally have fun at.
2) When there, talk to her, get to know her, and try to have some fun. This should be easy because you are already some place where you know how to have fun.
3) Make a move.
Now, to explain the three step mission above:
One - You want to go some place that you feel comfortable. Getting comfortable enough to be yourself around a new person is challenging enough. Do not make the mistake of going someplace where you have no idea what you are doing. This is not to impress her. It is simply to limit your obstacles so that you are free to focus your undivided attention on her. One of the benefits of going to place you already are comfortable in is that she gets to see your fun, calm, confident side. Confidence is just another word for being comfortable with oneself. It's easy to feel and be confident in a place you love and a place that loves you back. It also gives her a chance to get to know you by being an easy conversation starter. Think back to Show and Tell in Kindergarten. Share the place that brings you joy with her. By doing so, you end up sharing a little bit about yourself and she gets to know you.
Suggestions: dive bars where you normally play pool or drink at, video rental stores or supermarkets, coffee shops, the pier or the beach, a park, art gallery, museum, a bookstore, the mall, whatever and where ever you would go even if by yourself. If you're the type who goes to wine tastings or martini bars, that's cool too. Do not let the method define who you are. You define the method.
Two - Talk to her. Get to know her. And don't take things too seriously. In other words, loosen up, enjoy your surroundings, your date, and the moment. Have fun. Trust your instincts. If she's talking about her grandma dying, don't make a joke out of it. On the other hand, if she's talking politics and if you do not want to talk about that, feel free to make a joke and change subjects. It's one thing to tell a girl you're a great guy and another thing to show her. Show her how awesome and true to yourself you are (one and the same thing, in my opinion).
Three - make a move. You can tell a girl you find her sexy all you want, but if you aren't touching her, nibbling at her ears, or trying to kiss her, then she's not likely to believe you. Actions speak louder than words. Show and Tell applies here too. Talking sex is fine, but be sexual. Look at her with a genuine hunger in your eyes. If you have to fake wanting her, then you don't really want her. Move on to someone you really want, even if others do not. Your sex life is yours. It is not a social status competition.
In all of this, do not fear rejection. Welcome it. Search it out. That doesn't mean pretending to be or do something you are not or would never do.
It does mean be honest about what you want. It's the only real way to find out if she wants the same things too. If she doesn't want what you want, she will reject you sooner or later, and sooner is better than later. The sooner she rejects you, the sooner you can get back to searching for what you want instead of wasting time on someone who doesn't.
If she has no interest in the date you suggest, it's clear she does not enjoy the things you do. Do you want a girl like that as a girlfriend? As a one night stand? I do not want a girlfriend who doesn't enjoy what I do. But a one night stand, I could care less. But as I slept with more women, one night stands interested me less and less, though I still had my share*. Each man comes to his own conclusion. Trust your own desires, your own instincts.
If you make a move and she backs off, read her expression. Is it "what the hell?!" or is it "silly boy, not right now"? And more importantly, how does her reaction make you feel? Do you feel like trying again, or do you feel like a heel or end up resenting her for it? If you feel like trying again, do it again a little later when it feels right. If you feel bad about it, cut the date short and move on to something more fun for you. But you got to thicken your skin so you don't get butt-hurt at every rejection. And the only way to do that is to keep making a move.
Lastly, a girl is more than her looks. Otherwise, she may as well be a robot or mannequin. If that is what you want, do not waste your time on real women. But if you want a real woman, quit judging yourself. Quit thinking it's you who messed up. Quit blaming yourself and start judging her. Judge her by her personality, how she acts around you and how she treats you.
*Note: Girls who like you are willing to do whatever you suggest. So if you suggest something, they will do it. If they do not, they don't like you enough. Do not try to change their minds. Simply shift your focus to other girls. They will then either change their mind, make a counter-offer that interests you, or move on themselves. Either way, you win. In regards to one night stands, a girl who is down for a one night stand with you will also do whatever you suggest. You could be drinking with a couple of friends and invite her out and she will come dressed to the nines.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
mission 1
i've recently received a string of emails from virgins asking me how to lose their virginity. while the previous posting was a reply to a specific individual, this will be tailored to a general virginal audience.
first things first - your age, race, religion, income, living situation, height, weight, and clothing do not matter. i do not want to hear any excuses involving any of the above criteria. nor do i want to hear any excuses involving any other circumstances.
second of all, the only thing stopping you from being a virgin is yourself. the only reasons you are still a virgin is because you are waiting till marriage, a girlfriend, or you are simply a coward.
and in the cases where you are still waiting for marriage or a girlfriend, you are a virgin not because of lack of opportunity. you've simply turned down girls in order to stay true to your moral code. that means you will most likely have had oral sex and other forms of foreplay, stopping at intercourse and severly disappointing your girl(s). if this is you, you are not wondering how to get laid.
therefore, if you are reading this and wondering how to get laid, you are a coward or simply incredibly young.
now that that is out of the way, here is how to get laid - stop worrying about it. enjoy the pursuit of sex and let go of the disappointment associated with failure. the way you do this is by understanding that you can still masturbate and get off. it's that simple. if she doesn't get you off, you still have other options. such as masturbation. this does not mean you eliminate the disappointment associated with failure, it just means you have ways of dealing with it and understand life goes on and that there will be other opportunities to get laid.
next, live your life. there is more to life than sex. you have friends, family, work, school, ambitions, and other desires that need tending to. tend to them.
then, talk to the girls you find attractive. this does not mean avoid the girls you find unattractive. that is your decision. but you cannot have sex with anyone you refuse to interact with. the conversation need not be special. it can be boring. it can be entertaining. it can be just a few words. it can stretch out for months. it is what it is.
lastly, make a move*. you have to express your interest in her sexually both verbally and nonverbally. sometimes at the same time, sometimes separately. but you have to express that interest in her for her to understand your desires. if she has similar desires for you, she will return the interest by not leaving. if she does not, she will leave. the point of making a move on her is to get her to express her interest. there is no winning her over. there is only freeing her to act on her desires, positive or negative. and that is the best you can do.
verbally speaking, making a move can constitute asking her out, telling her she's cute, to saying she's turning you on.
nonverbally, making a move can constitute looking at her while imagining kissing her naked belly, caressing the inside of her palm with your index finger, or going in for a kiss.
the above lists are not complete as you can add your own moves to the mix such as putting an arm around her waist or placing your hand on the inside of her thigh. it can also include insinuating sexual contact between the two of you or being direct about your interest such as asking her back to your place.
but short of making a move, you will not free her to express her desires. and unless you do so, you will stay a virgin. my advice is to sack up, grow a pair, and make a move. anything else is just an excuse.
with that understanding out of the way, here is your first mission:
failure to do this means it is your fault. success in seeing this through to the end regardless of how she reacts means it is her fault and that she has no place on your team. sex is a team sport and she has to be willing and able to play along - and to play well. once you get comfortable in the process, you will be able to distinguish just who you want to make a move on from the ones you don't want to make a move on.
if you get a date, i will post the second mission, detailing just what to do on the second date.
*note - expressing your interest and following through with physical actions does not mean sex will come immediately. sometimes it does. sometimes she will need time to think about your offer. sometimes a "no" just means "not yet." and sometimes, despite everything going great, it will never happen. that's life.
first things first - your age, race, religion, income, living situation, height, weight, and clothing do not matter. i do not want to hear any excuses involving any of the above criteria. nor do i want to hear any excuses involving any other circumstances.
second of all, the only thing stopping you from being a virgin is yourself. the only reasons you are still a virgin is because you are waiting till marriage, a girlfriend, or you are simply a coward.
and in the cases where you are still waiting for marriage or a girlfriend, you are a virgin not because of lack of opportunity. you've simply turned down girls in order to stay true to your moral code. that means you will most likely have had oral sex and other forms of foreplay, stopping at intercourse and severly disappointing your girl(s). if this is you, you are not wondering how to get laid.
therefore, if you are reading this and wondering how to get laid, you are a coward or simply incredibly young.
now that that is out of the way, here is how to get laid - stop worrying about it. enjoy the pursuit of sex and let go of the disappointment associated with failure. the way you do this is by understanding that you can still masturbate and get off. it's that simple. if she doesn't get you off, you still have other options. such as masturbation. this does not mean you eliminate the disappointment associated with failure, it just means you have ways of dealing with it and understand life goes on and that there will be other opportunities to get laid.
next, live your life. there is more to life than sex. you have friends, family, work, school, ambitions, and other desires that need tending to. tend to them.
then, talk to the girls you find attractive. this does not mean avoid the girls you find unattractive. that is your decision. but you cannot have sex with anyone you refuse to interact with. the conversation need not be special. it can be boring. it can be entertaining. it can be just a few words. it can stretch out for months. it is what it is.
lastly, make a move*. you have to express your interest in her sexually both verbally and nonverbally. sometimes at the same time, sometimes separately. but you have to express that interest in her for her to understand your desires. if she has similar desires for you, she will return the interest by not leaving. if she does not, she will leave. the point of making a move on her is to get her to express her interest. there is no winning her over. there is only freeing her to act on her desires, positive or negative. and that is the best you can do.
verbally speaking, making a move can constitute asking her out, telling her she's cute, to saying she's turning you on.
nonverbally, making a move can constitute looking at her while imagining kissing her naked belly, caressing the inside of her palm with your index finger, or going in for a kiss.
the above lists are not complete as you can add your own moves to the mix such as putting an arm around her waist or placing your hand on the inside of her thigh. it can also include insinuating sexual contact between the two of you or being direct about your interest such as asking her back to your place.
but short of making a move, you will not free her to express her desires. and unless you do so, you will stay a virgin. my advice is to sack up, grow a pair, and make a move. anything else is just an excuse.
with that understanding out of the way, here is your first mission:
1. in the next week, walk up to five girls you find attractive.
2. tell her you find her attractive and want to know her name.
3. conversate for a bit, just being yourself.
4. make the move that seems appropriate no matter how well or poorly the conversation seems to be going - either ask her out, touch her leg, or try to kiss her.
5. post your results for each girl in the comments section or email them to me.
failure to do this means it is your fault. success in seeing this through to the end regardless of how she reacts means it is her fault and that she has no place on your team. sex is a team sport and she has to be willing and able to play along - and to play well. once you get comfortable in the process, you will be able to distinguish just who you want to make a move on from the ones you don't want to make a move on.
if you get a date, i will post the second mission, detailing just what to do on the second date.
*note - expressing your interest and following through with physical actions does not mean sex will come immediately. sometimes it does. sometimes she will need time to think about your offer. sometimes a "no" just means "not yet." and sometimes, despite everything going great, it will never happen. that's life.
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