Review: Assholes Finish First

I just received the new Tucker Max book Assholes Finish First, and though I'm not through reading it, I've read enough (about half) to want to recommend it.

For those of you who have read his website and his previous book, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, it's more of the same. He even reprints two or three of the same stories, with slightly different words. It's like hearing the same story again from the same guy over a different beer in a different bar. Straight from his mouth.

But that would be my only criticism of it. AFF is an entertaining read as well as an educational one.

Max brags and self-deprecates with stories about his conquests - hot girls, average girls, ugly girls, fat girls, midget girls, amputees, LA girls, and the list goes on.

As a guy, I find his stories entertaining. Some of them crossover into asshole territory (well, most of them do - okay, all of them), but the fact that he owns up to it and shows how not everyone loves him but still holds himself in high esteem adds to his credibility and charm. Some of my best friends are assholes, but the fact they're honest about it is why they are my friends.

He's also a talented writer. His way with words and comedic timing are brilliant. Easy to read and they paint an enticing picture.

But most people familiar with Max focus on his drunken debauchery and think he advocates that as a lifestyle for everyone. Not so.

One of things I got from him from his first book, and even this one, is that he is rejected far more than he is successful. He makes fun of everyone and everything. Most girls hate him for it.

How would you feel if someone did nothing but make fun of your insecurities with every word out of their mouth?

But some girls loved it. Or they were willing to put up with it just to sleep with him, long before he had become famous. They found something about him attractive, maybe mistaking his obnoxiousness for charm and charisma as the reason for his being the center of attention.

It was this dynamic, of him getting rejected and him getting sex from different women for the same exact reason coupled with my own experiences that led me to my theory of the big three and added to my own self-confidence.

One woman's trash is another woman's treasure. Some girls will hate you. A lot will, actually, no matter how you act. But some girls will love you, or put up with you, no matter how you act. But regardless of how you act, it's up to you make a move and tell them "I want to make a mess in your mouth."

That and even the most famous of manwhores doesn't bang hot girls all the time. He sleeps with whoever is willing and isn't put off by him - and can still get him reasonably excited.

I don't advocate sleeping with women you are not attracted to. But I do say that if you expect to sleep with only women you consider 10s, you won't be sleeping with a lot of women.

Quality over quantity. It's a lesson Max imparts well, even if he opts for quantity over quality.

Self Esteem vs Entitlement

This is for boys and girls.

When I tell guys that they are measure of all things, they think I'm telling to them to be conceited jerks who think they are always right and others are always wrong.

And that's bullshit.

It's like girls who have the "princess" syndrome. Yes, thinking you are the center of the universe is a bad thing.

Thinking you are the center of YOUR universe is, however, a good thing.

The difference is that when you think you are the center of the universe, you think others owe you something and you have no respect of them. That's conceit.

When you think you are the center of YOUR universe, you judge others based on how useful and compatible they are to you, but you also recognize that they are masters of their own domain.

You recognize that in order to get, you have to give. It's just that you know what you have to give is valuable as opposed to not enough or too good to give anyone for any reason.

Simply put, entitlement and conceit is thinking your shit doesn't stink and everyone else's does. Having low self-esteem is thinking everyone else's shit smells better than yours. And high self esteem or confidence is knowing your shit stinks, but everyone else's shit stinks equally bad.

Sex Tip#2

The easiest "move" for kissing is to say "come here" as if you were whispering it and then put your lips to hers.

Motive

From a reader:

I was wondering if you'd talk about what drove you early on (also what held you back), to break out of your shyness and approach women/hook up on a regular basis and what your goals were then and how they've changed, now that you've gotten experience. Thanks

Strangely, what drove me early on had nothing to do with girls. I'm a writer by trade. But what held me back was people skills, or rather, lack of them. I'd been an only child growing up, overweight, didn't wear name brand clothes, was teased mercilessly for everything from my weight, my race, to my name. Needless to say, my self esteem was very very low. However, at the same time I was keeping away from people, I studied, got good grades, pursued my passion for writing, and generally did things I enjoyed - only by myself. And yeah, I had people I hung out with and had fun with. And yeah, there were girls who hit on me, though I was oblivious at the time.

Fast forward to after college (and after I'd lost the weight), when I was still painfully shy. I had a hard time getting jobs and selling myself because I couldn't talk to people normally. While searching for tips on conversational ability, I stumbled onto the community.

It drew me in primarily because it was so specific about what to say and when. And the way I saw it, if I could talk a girl into taking her clothes off, I could nail any interview and pitch my ideas successfully. I was right, of course, but I had to find out the hard way that having routines was the worst way to go about doing either of those things.

Being a loner, I've always been self-motivated and driven. I figured if I got rich and famous, friends and women would come to me (while that's probably true, in hindsight, that's a horrible way to do it. How would you separate real friends from fair-weather friends?). When I decided to improve my people skills and get laid, I simply redirected my focus. My natural drive for success took over.

At first, yeah, I was scared to approach. I started with little exercises like keeping eye contact or saying hi to passersby. It worked great and I saw that just doing that had women winking at me and starting conversations with me. I was just too much of a pussy to keep it going.

The first time I decided to get a number, I got it. I simply nodded at what she said while doing my best to hide my boner and ultra-fast (and loud) heartbeats. Then I just asked if she'd like to go out.

Then I read some advice on what to say and do on the phone and how I should never agree to a day or time she suggests in order to keep the upper hand. So naturally, I did that and blew my shot with her. She was hot too.

I thought the reason I blew it was because I didn't know enough. Looking back, I realize it was because I was direct that I got the number (the boner and nervousness probably helped too). And I most definitely lost the date because I played games.

Some days I talked to lots of women. Some I didn't talk to any. Some days I got lots of solid numbers. Some I got lots of flakes. And some I didn't get any. Some dates were good and fun, but I was too much of a pussy to make a move. And other dates were had the worst awkward silences. And of course, amidst all the rejections, I had a shit load of successes. More than if I'd had if I tried to avoid all the bad experiences.

As my confidence and belief in myself grew, as I made friends who were good with women, and as I made friends with women, I started believing in myself and relying less and less on the "right way" of doing things and just focused on doing things the way I enjoyed it. Not every girl enjoyed my company and those who didn't, I didn't get. I didn't get every girl, but I never got every girl to begin with. So no loss there. I saw it as an acceptable price to pay for being happy with myself and the way I did things.

And the ones I did get, well, they loved the way I did things. They loved that I was introverted. They loved that I hated clubbing and was a movie snob. They loved that I was direct but inexplicably nervous at times. They liked that I wasn't always sure what to do and didn't try to hide it. And the things I tried to hide, they loved that about me too. I "got" them because they wanted me. I defined myself by the way I did things and the things I did.

Some realizations about how easy hooking up was didn't strike me until after I'd already gotten into a relationship with my current girlfriend (almost 2 years strong). That's not to say I didn't do any of this while single. I did. It's just I didn't realize what I was doing or why it worked until after I'd given up chasing pussy.

I'd (and still do) flirt with women just for the sake of flirting, knowing I wouldn't cross that line into cheating. And I also try to hook up friends of mine who are single and are too scared to approach. The theories have worked for me and my friends ballsy enough to try it, and I share them here for the world to benefit.

My goals now are simple - keep living the good life. It may or may not include marriage. It may or may not include kids. But it definitely involves sex and my girlfriend. And writing. And TV. And money. And UFC.

Safety and Boredom part 2

In the first part, I showed how boredom in relationships came from feelings of insecurity, not feelings of safety.

The same applies to picking up chicas as a single guy. The more secure you are in who you are, the more risks you will take. The more risks you take (such as making your sexual desires known), the more likely you are to get laid.

Likewise, the more insecure your are about yourself, the less chances you take. Any tiny hint of rejection or failure would crush your ego and self esteem, so to keep the status quo (no sex, but no rejection either), you refuse to take a risk and put yourself out there.

To summarize - the more confident you are, the more likely you are to risk rejection, the more likely you get laid (or whatever else it is you go after). The less confident you are, the less like you are to risk rejection, and the less likely you are to get a girl (or whatever else it is you go after).

Quit doubting whether you are good enough for something, go after it and let it reject you.

What is attractive

In general, there are two things women (and men) find attractive. And that's what you do and how you do it. Those are two separate things - 1) what you do, and 2) how you do it.

Now, what you do is attractive to some people and unattractive to others. If you're a math professor, that will be attractive to some women and unattractive to others. Some will think its nerdy and some think nerdy is hot.

On the same note, just because a woman is not into what you do, she might be into the fact that you just plain do something, that you have a passion, and that you're unashamed of it. You own it, whatever it is. That's confidence.

Of course, some women despise both. That you're into something "weird" and that you're confident about it, that you don't give two shits about what they think about it. They want someone who is submissive and that they can control. If you're into being controlled and told what to do and like to serve others, great, you've found your niche, own it. Be confident about your need to serve and you'll be much better off. But if you have your own opinions, if you have a life you enjoy and are content with, if you enjoy your freedom and self-determination, you're better off without those women.

And the way you test for them is by doing exactly what you want and owning it.