Safety and Boredom part 2

In the first part, I showed how boredom in relationships came from feelings of insecurity, not feelings of safety.

The same applies to picking up chicas as a single guy. The more secure you are in who you are, the more risks you will take. The more risks you take (such as making your sexual desires known), the more likely you are to get laid.

Likewise, the more insecure your are about yourself, the less chances you take. Any tiny hint of rejection or failure would crush your ego and self esteem, so to keep the status quo (no sex, but no rejection either), you refuse to take a risk and put yourself out there.

To summarize - the more confident you are, the more likely you are to risk rejection, the more likely you get laid (or whatever else it is you go after). The less confident you are, the less like you are to risk rejection, and the less likely you are to get a girl (or whatever else it is you go after).

Quit doubting whether you are good enough for something, go after it and let it reject you.

Time Orientation, Consequences, and Newton

I saw the full version of this interesting video and it got me thinking about girls. Very little gets me thinking about things other than girls.



Basically, there are people who constantly focus on the past, there are those who live only for the moment, and there are those who constantly work for a better future. Each has its advantages and disadvantages, and we all have a little bit of each inside of us.

When it comes to people however, the video says it is better to be present oriented, at least in that moment.

My guess is that if you are having trouble with girls or people in general, it's because you are future oriented. "What do I do to get this girl in bed with me, will she like me, I wonder how many kids we'll have?" are just some of the questions running through your head. Either that or you are past oriented, in which you constantly compare the girl you are talking with to other girls or you are trying to avoid mistakes of the past, ie "the last time I made a move, the girl rejected me so this time I won't make a move so she doesn't reject me."

Either way, you are not focused on this moment with this girl. And there's a simple solution. Being that you are so focused on the consequences of your reaction, learn to accept there will be consequences to any action.

According to Newton's Third Law of Motion, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That means if you want something great to happen, you have to expect something equally bad to happen. Simply put, winners are willing to lose. If you play to "never lose", you'll also never "win" because when you take steps to minimize the negative, you are effectively taking steps to minimize the positive. Low risk means low rewards.

Take for example that cute girl from work. Instead of thinking "I'd like to fuck her in 3.5 hours" think "I'd like to put my hand between her legs right now". The consequences could be good, the consequences could be bad. But if you're focused on what could happen, good or bad, you're not focused on the present, you're not focused on her, and you're not focused on what you want right now.

Accept that there will be consequences to your actions, then ignore them and act anyway. There is only what you are willing to live with and what you are not. If you are willing to live with rejection, you are more likely to risk failing big. And if you are more likely to risk failing big, you are also more likely to win big.