The Evolutionary Perspective

I'm not going to write about why girls are attracted to certain types of guys and how that relates to our evolutionary biology. But an interesting book on the topic is Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan.

I am instead going to write about how predators adapt to their situation and how that relates to guys picking up girls.

For example, there are a variety of big cat predators. The lion and the tiger the most obvious. But the way they look and move are as much a result of genetics as they are a result of their surroundings. One lives in the open plains of Africa, the other in the jungles of Asia. One preys on gazelles and zebras, the other on antelope and elephants. Different needs resulted in different methods and structures to ensure the same thing - survival of the species.

In relation to getting girls, guys in different situations develop different methods towards achieving the same ends - regular sex.

For example, a friend of mine used to work as a cashier at a retail giant. Every shift, he'd have a line of girls waiting to flirt with him. Well, pay for the products they wanted. But because he didn't give a shit about his job or the pay, the fringe benefits were what kept him around. At the end of every shift, he'd have 2-3 numbers and 1-2 dates at the end of every week. He got them by flirting with every reasonably attractive female customer. Sometimes he'd talk about their purchases, sometimes by trying to get them to buy something else. And sometimes simply by blurting it out. He didn't have a lot of time to get to know a person, so he had to keep it short and snappy. Despite being an introvert, on the clock, he was outgoing and friendly. No customer complaints in either department.

Another friend of mine works 60-70hrs a week. He doesn't have time to meet girls except for when he's driving. He has even less time than the friend above. When he sees a cute girl in the car beside him, he doesn't waste any time. The window comes down and he asks if she's single. Regardless of her answer, he then asks for her number. Some girls dig his car. It's nothing special. But it's well taken care of. Some girls dig his confidence and cut to the chase attitude. Some girls think he's cute. And some think he's hilarious simply because he's so playful about it.

Frat boys tend to "hook up" with sorority girls. CEOs and political leaders tend to be married and/or use escorts or interns. Different circumstances breed different methods. In other words, your lifestyle affects who you get and how you get them.

Some lifestyles are better suited to monogamy. Some, despite the best intentions of those involved, tend to be better suited to more promiscuous sex.

And even within those confines, who they sleep with and how they end up sleeping with them vary even more.

I believe in being direct and cutting to the chase because it worked for me and my lifestyle. I am in a monogamous relationship now because it currently works best for me.

Your goal is to find what works for you. If you are in college, hooking up rather than dating is probably better suited to you. But that assumes you're in places convenient to hooking up. Maybe traditionally dating better suits your lifestyle despite being in a situation that encourages other manners of procreation, such as being indirect or playing it slow and smooth.

There is no one size fits all method. But if you find a method you are able to use confidently and consistently, it will eliminate the bad prospects (most likely in the form of them rejecting you) and attract those who dig that about you.

In other words, no matter what method you use, rejection happens. It's a necessary part of the process. And seeking to avoid rejection is seeking to avoid any method and likely to result in no success.

Mission 2

A while ago I posted Mission 1. Here is Mission 2:

1) When on a first or second, or even a third date, go somewhere you can afford and normally have fun at.

2) When there, talk to her, get to know her, and try to have some fun. This should be easy because you are already some place where you know how to have fun.

3) Make a move.

Now, to explain the three step mission above:

One - You want to go some place that you feel comfortable. Getting comfortable enough to be yourself around a new person is challenging enough. Do not make the mistake of going someplace where you have no idea what you are doing. This is not to impress her. It is simply to limit your obstacles so that you are free to focus your undivided attention on her. One of the benefits of going to place you already are comfortable in is that she gets to see your fun, calm, confident side. Confidence is just another word for being comfortable with oneself. It's easy to feel and be confident in a place you love and a place that loves you back. It also gives her a chance to get to know you by being an easy conversation starter. Think back to Show and Tell in Kindergarten. Share the place that brings you joy with her. By doing so, you end up sharing a little bit about yourself and she gets to know you.

Suggestions: dive bars where you normally play pool or drink at, video rental stores or supermarkets, coffee shops, the pier or the beach, a park, art gallery, museum, a bookstore, the mall, whatever and where ever you would go even if by yourself. If you're the type who goes to wine tastings or martini bars, that's cool too. Do not let the method define who you are. You define the method.

Two - Talk to her. Get to know her. And don't take things too seriously. In other words, loosen up, enjoy your surroundings, your date, and the moment. Have fun. Trust your instincts. If she's talking about her grandma dying, don't make a joke out of it. On the other hand, if she's talking politics and if you do not want to talk about that, feel free to make a joke and change subjects. It's one thing to tell a girl you're a great guy and another thing to show her. Show her how awesome and true to yourself you are (one and the same thing, in my opinion).

Three - make a move. You can tell a girl you find her sexy all you want, but if you aren't touching her, nibbling at her ears, or trying to kiss her, then she's not likely to believe you. Actions speak louder than words. Show and Tell applies here too. Talking sex is fine, but be sexual. Look at her with a genuine hunger in your eyes. If you have to fake wanting her, then you don't really want her. Move on to someone you really want, even if others do not. Your sex life is yours. It is not a social status competition.

In all of this, do not fear rejection. Welcome it. Search it out. That doesn't mean pretending to be or do something you are not or would never do.

It does mean be honest about what you want. It's the only real way to find out if she wants the same things too. If she doesn't want what you want, she will reject you sooner or later, and sooner is better than later. The sooner she rejects you, the sooner you can get back to searching for what you want instead of wasting time on someone who doesn't.

If she has no interest in the date you suggest, it's clear she does not enjoy the things you do. Do you want a girl like that as a girlfriend? As a one night stand? I do not want a girlfriend who doesn't enjoy what I do. But a one night stand, I could care less. But as I slept with more women, one night stands interested me less and less, though I still had my share*. Each man comes to his own conclusion. Trust your own desires, your own instincts.

If you make a move and she backs off, read her expression. Is it "what the hell?!" or is it "silly boy, not right now"? And more importantly, how does her reaction make you feel? Do you feel like trying again, or do you feel like a heel or end up resenting her for it? If you feel like trying again, do it again a little later when it feels right. If you feel bad about it, cut the date short and move on to something more fun for you. But you got to thicken your skin so you don't get butt-hurt at every rejection. And the only way to do that is to keep making a move.

Lastly, a girl is more than her looks. Otherwise, she may as well be a robot or mannequin. If that is what you want, do not waste your time on real women. But if you want a real woman, quit judging yourself. Quit thinking it's you who messed up. Quit blaming yourself and start judging her. Judge her by her personality, how she acts around you and how she treats you.


*Note: Girls who like you are willing to do whatever you suggest. So if you suggest something, they will do it. If they do not, they don't like you enough. Do not try to change their minds. Simply shift your focus to other girls. They will then either change their mind, make a counter-offer that interests you, or move on themselves. Either way, you win. In regards to one night stands, a girl who is down for a one night stand with you will also do whatever you suggest. You could be drinking with a couple of friends and invite her out and she will come dressed to the nines.

Types of Attraction

In the community, they often talk about attraction as if physical attraction and sexual attraction are the same. "Oh, she's hot, we have to want to fuck her".

In real life, it doesn't work like that. Indeed, scientists have classified attraction into 6 categories.

There's 1) physical attraction, 2) sexual attraction, 3) social attraction, 4) relational attraction, 5) task attraction, and 6) fatal attraction.

1) Physical - needs no explaining, but I'll do it anyway. We're drawn to someone because of the way they look. It's why girls can say another girl has nice boobs and still not want to suck on them.

2) Sexual - we want to fuck someone because they get us aroused. Why do they get us aroused? Any number of reasons, not always physical. She could just be massaging our glans while we ponder this question.

3) Social - hey, he or she is fun to be around and talk to, so we're drawn to them. Do not confuse for sexual attraction. This is why girls will hang around guys they have no intention of fucking - the guys are fun to be around.

4) Relational - when we think someone will make a good girlfriend or wife rather than "I just want to tear that pussy up".

5) Task - think back to middle school when you had to pick teams for basketball. Your first pick...you didn't want to fuck him? No. You just wanted to have a winning team. Same deal, you're drawn to whomever you feel will help you get the job done best.

6) Fatal - You know when you start hating the very thing that first attracted you to someone? Like that you guys argued about everything on your first date? But then you loved it and now you want to put a bullet in either yours or her head? Yeah, that's fatal attraction.

Neither exists in a vacuum. But it's important to note that if you're aiming for sexual attraction, it's pointless to go about it through non-direct means.

That is to say, if you want to get into her pants, do not consciously try to be her friend or do her homework.

go for what you want

as a man, it is important to be completely honest about what you want. i say man and not adult because women can be wishy washy and if they have a man in their life, he'll provide them with what they want and need.

but as a man, you have to be honest with yourself about what you want because no one is going to give it to you. after being honest with yourself, you have to go for it as directly and simply as possible. you have to take it. if you want food, you go to the fridge, restaurant, or supermarket--depending on what you want. obstacles might arise. obstacles such as walking, driving, or paying. you address those obstacles and you go for what you want--food.

with women, it is exactly the same. if you want sex and only sex, start by being honest with the girl. that doesn't mean saying "i'm only interested in fucking you." that's retarded--however retarded does work. but my point is don't set up a dinner date where you'll need conversation. instead, do drinks and dancing at a local club. maybe go to the park and lie in each other's arms under a tree. and if you do dinner and end up seated at opposite ends and conversation is a must, forget the life stories. focus on flirting and making things sexual.

why? because you don't care about anything else but the sex anyway. so why waste time? if she's into it, she'll go with it. if she's not, she won't. quit fearing rejection.

instead, as a friend of mine said, seek out rejection. it makes clear what obstacles and objections stand in your way. some cannot be overcome. some can. but now you know the path you must take.

if you want only sex or sex before anything else, seek out sex as directly and simply as possible. be sexual. look at her sensually. stand close. touch her. caress her. smell her. take in her body using all five of your senses. watch how she comes alive. either she will force you away or draw you in further.

if you want a girlfriend, do the dinner thing, get to know her, find out if she's right for you. then get sexual.

but here is where this rule breaks down and acts funky. because as the same friend said, sex is the reward we give girls. that is, everything girls do is in order to get sex. and more often than not, it is better to get sexual with a girl before getting to know her. it can often be impossible to truly know her until after you have had sex with her because she won't let you in until her needs are satisfied.

the obstacle that stands in your way of getting a girlfriend is her desire for sex which is stronger than her desire for a relationship or even finding a decent guy. as a woman, she doesn't have to be direct about what she wants. she just has to say yes or no to anything or anyone that stands before her because as a woman, things will present themselves to her. guys with and without balls will ask her out. she doesn't have to worry about food or entertainment because they'll take her out to dinner and a movie. and that's fantastic for her.

but as a man, you do not have such luxuries. and in your direct pursuit of finding the right girl, you will have to sleep with many women before you find her. in my opinion, that's not a bad thing at all.

go for what you really want as directly and as simply as possible. go for sex.