Beauty

I'm curious about your thoughts on beautiful women. What type of beauty you look for. Do you look for a certain level of beauty? How does her personality factor in? Have you ever felt pressure from friends or family, to hook up with a certain kind of women, or level of beauty.

I also remember hearing from a couple former CA instructors that while beautiful women were attainable, they were often a pain in the ass. I've also heard that some beautiful women have low self-esteem. I can also hear you say "They're normal people, like anyone else". :))

They are normal people like anyone else. Some have baggage. Some are a pain in the ass. Some I don't click with, despite being great human beings. And some I get along with despite being bitches to everyone else.

Do I look for a certain level of beauty? Yes. I have to be physically attracted. And yes, there are levels of hotness. So the scale of 7s, 8s, 9s, and 10s is accurate to some degree. But the scale itself is subjective. A 7 on my scale might be an 8 or a 9 on someone elses scale, and vice versa. So what someone else considers hot has no bearing on me, and what I consider hot has no bearing on someone else's scale.

Lastly, as I got better with women, I felt no pressure from others to hook up with what they considered 8s, 9s or 10s. That's because I got better with women because I became more sure of what I liked and what I wanted. They go hand in hand - getting what you want and knowing what you want. Outside pressure had little sway on me because I was confident, and confidence got me what I wanted.

Also, I was well aware that beauty fades and that everyone gets bored of sameness. Meaning, no matter how hot the girl, someone somewhere was sick of her. So constantly looking for someone hotter was a waste of time. You have to learn to be happy with what you have.

That's not to say I dated girls who are hideous and learned to like them. Sure, I had drunken hookups to that effect. But, and maybe I was luckier than most, I've dated girls who ranged the whole spectrum of beauty, from the Kiera Knightleys to the Scarlett Johanssons. Some were part time models and struggling actresses some where amateur athletes, some were just hot assistants and store clerks or accountants.

But you can't judge girls through another persons eyes. Being self confident means using your own eyes and your own scale. We all value somethings more than others.

I've heard lots of guys say they'd rather date a 7 with self-confidence than a 10 with none. But I've also heard guys say they only care about looks. And some refuse to settle unless they find a 10 they click with and love and who loves them back. And all points of view are valid.

You have to decide for yourself what you want and what you will settle for. If she makes you happy, quit letting what others think get to you.

What others think may be what's holding you back from taking action and getting what you want in the first place.

After all, it wouldn't be called taking a risk if every thing went your way.

looking good vs doing good

too many people in our culture are obsessed with looking good. they take will smith's line from men in black, "i make this look good," to the extreme. what people fail to realize is that actually doing good often doesn't look very impressive at all. often it can look down right ugly. michael jordan's signature tongue hanging out was often derided at first.

but the most glaring example of the effectiveness of looking good vs the effectiveness of doing good is porn vs actual sex. porn sex is nothing like real sex. actors often spend 8 to 12 hour days working on a single scene. it's uncomfortable and a pain to shoot. none of the ecstasy or pleasure of sex can be found there. but it sure as hell looks pretty.

real sex is a lot different. it's messy, it's clumsy, and it's downright ugly. the expressions on lovers' faces range from grimaces to other contortions which have no name. sweat, spit, and other fluids everywhere. the positions are nowhere near as elegant or arousing as porn to the outside observer. more often than not, it's just a hairy ass in the air.

but sex is one of the greatest physical, mental, and emotional experiences in which we can indulge in our short lives.

trying to make it look good to the outside observer leads partners to share one of the most uncomfortable experiences they can in front of a camera, real and imaginary. it looks good to others, but is painful to experience. not giving a shit what others think leads to a blissful experience some religions save only for the holiest of unions.

this applies to other areas as well. often, picking up a girl will result in the most boring conversations about each others jobs and other self-revelatory topics. outside listeners might look on in interest at first but soon stop caring when they see the man and woman getting along instead of being rejected. the conversation does not concern them, so they get bored and move on with their focus. nor is it particularly juicy or inflammatory enough for them to keep eavesdropping. those conversations are often nothing like the conversations posted on OverheardinNewYork.com. however, to the man and woman engaged in the conversation, nothing in the world matters more at that moment in time but the presence of their conversational partner.

stop caring what you look like when doing something. instead, focus on doing it well. make it an experience you and your partner enjoy rather than some third party would enjoy watching or listening into.

in other words, you'll be far more successful when you stop worrying about what others think. their opinions don't matter and often hinder you.