How to Get Girls, the movie

Many guys in the community use movies to illustrate what a ladies man looks and acts like.

The sad part is that they use modern movies where guys don't make moves. They talk their way into a girls pants or use their looks. The problem with that is, it's fake. Brad Pitt might be able to get Flo the waitress to make a move on him. But he had to man up and make a move to get Jennifer and Angelina. And they're not going to show you that in a movie. Not when the people making movies simply have to announce what they do to get panties to drop.

If you're looking for men to model yourself after, stay away from current actors. No George Clooney, no Brad Pitt, and certainly not Matt Damon. I like Meet Joe Black as much as the next guy. But it's not what's going to get you a girl.

Instead, sign up for a Netflix account and get your hands on every Clark Gable, Humphrey Bogart, and Kirk Douglas movie you can.

Get over the fact that they're black and white and shot almost 80 years ago. Human nature is timeless, and if you want to learn how to be a take charge kind of guy, they're the ones to show you...in a movie.

They each have something modern society loves to hate and hates to love (but still secretly desires) - masculinity.

Graduation Day

This made me smile.

Man, shit's been good the last week or two. I always wondered what it was that other guys seemed to have that I didn't. I think I figured it out. You strip away any agenda, or any thoughts of manipulation and replace it with honesty. From there, you just tell people your desires and sift out the ones that aren't on board, to just the ones that are. You express yourself freely and without any second guessing, because you do so without requiring any response. I'm still anxious at times, but I'm content. I've never been more content and comfortable communicating with people, than probably my childhood.

Shot off a couple texts tonight, to two different chicks. One didn't respond, the other I told I wanted to meet up and make out (after hardly talking to her in months), and we ended up doing that and more at her place.

He has arrived. Whose next?

To Fuck or Not to Fuck?

Last night I was out with a good friend of mine. He was with a ridiculously cute girl who wanted to rape him.

During her trips to the bathroom, he confided he had no desire to fuck her. I thought it was stupid, but every man has to do right by himself.

Regardless, I had to know why. He said he was going through a phase where he was more interested in female friends than sex. And that's a perfectly valid reason.

But he was confused as to what to do because he was also attracted to her.

My advice: fuck her. Sex is not a life long commitment. And if she's cool enough to separate sex from love and monogamy, it's a chick you want to be friends with. And if she's not, then you found that out sooner than you would have by putting it off. That and if you avoid sex, she'll still lust after you in secret and that's not a real friendship. And that's assuming she's willing to stay friends if sex is not an option. She has a say in remaining friends too.

Sex solves everything, especially when she's made it obvious its what she wants and you want it too, even if you're split about the decision.

Don't try to control the future.

Sex Tip#2

The easiest "move" for kissing is to say "come here" as if you were whispering it and then put your lips to hers.

Negotiation 101

Basics of Negotiation:

1) Ask for the most that you want and more
2) Decide if the most you can get is enough
3) Agree to terms or walk away

Examples:

When negotiating your salary at a new job:

1) You want $60K a year
2) You ask for $75K a year
3) They offer at $50K plus a generous benefits package

When with a girl:

1) You want sex
2) You ask her back to your place
3) She gives you her number instead
4) You propose a date Friday instead of taking a number
5) She agrees
6) You take number

How not to negotiate:

1) Ask for less than what you want
2) Hope and pray you can get more

Examples:

When negotiating your salary at a new job:

1) You want $60k a year
2) You ask for $40K a year
3) They say okay
4) You missed out on $50K a year plus benefits

When with a girl:

1) You want sex
2) You ask for her number
3) She says okay
4) You have number but no date
5) She's clueless about your intentions

Of course, going for a number and escalating later is a viable option with women.

But that's called escalating, not negotiating. As a man, you must learn both. As a woman too.

Sex Tip #1

Sex begins before penetration.

No matter how nervous you are or how hot she is, if you get in close, real close, so close that her earlobe touches your nose, you'll notice how calm you become and how instinct takes over.

Don't be surprised if you find yourself nibbling on her earlobes and licking her ears or biting her neck.

And don't be surprised if she lets you - or if she likes it.

Looming Breakup

Hey Dirk,

Thanks for your advice over the years. Ten months ago, I met the most amazing woman. The "one" for me. I'd been with a lot of women before, but never had I met one that made me feel so good about being myself. Then she dropped a bombshell on me. She's moving to Australia at the start of the new year to go to med school. At first, we tried to figure out if I could move with her. But my family and career is here. It's not something I can do over there. And she cannot simply waste another year trying to get into med school here.

Neither of us can go without sex too long. In fact, our relationship was what it was (and is) because we are so freaky. Freaky, but exclusive and committed. She is my lover, my best friend, and my confidant.

We've decided to visit each other and remain friends (with benefits if the chemistry is still there) and get back together after she finishes and moves back if we've both not found anyone better. But I have no idea how to deal with the loss once she moves. I went monogamous because I had no extreme desire to fuck other women after being with her. How do I go back to being single? The thought of finding someone to replace her repulses me. I feel like the universe is against me.

Sorry to hear about your situation. But the universe is not against you. The universe doesn't even know you exist. If she is truly the one for you, you'll end up together somehow. Four years is a long time, and time heals all wounds.

Remember, things are going to end up however they are supposed to. It's up to us to make the best of them. Embrace your singlehood. And keep an open heart. While no one can ever replace her, no one should replace her and you should not try to find a replacement. All good things come to an end. And just as you cannot buy a new pup to replace a dead pet, you cannot get a new girl to replace the old. But you can forge new relationships.

Cherish the time you had. Keep her in your life is feasible. But don't live in the past. Keep moving forward. Don't avoid getting into other relationships, and don't try to jump into one just to be in one. Know that by making the best of your life from this point forward, you'll find happiness sooner than you think.

I'm sorry I have no better advice for you as I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Perhaps other readers can offer you more insight.

Why you fear rejection

I made an interesting observation recently. A month ago, I decided to "retire" a couple of the places, I used to go to for fast food and coffee. I'd go there to interact with the female staff that I found attractive. I'd rarely try to close, mostly opting for passive awkward conversation, of me trying to be clever or run game. It was hit or miss, approval seeking and I was tired of doing it and being reminded of my history with it.

I decided to start going to a different local Starbucks, to get coffee and read at regularly. I also decided to stop acting clever and instead, be in the moment aka let my mood fluctuate naturally.

I noticed quickly that I got into just as many, or more conversations, with the staff and fellow customers, as I had before, at the other Starbucks, when I'd tried to be clever/tailor my attitude to whatever I thought would win peoples affection. This time it felt natural and I didn't feel like a fraud and self-conscious, when my "act" didn't pan out.

Most importantly, the people I gelled with naturally, became that much more clear to me.

That part in bold is important. When you put on an act, when you try something you feel is fake, you feel bad when it fails. When you let things occur naturally, with no false pretenses, no "game", failure doesn't feel bad. And the connections you make are far more real and solid.

Be real, be natural, quit putting on an act. You don't have to earn her number. You just have to ask for it. You don't have to wow her, you just have to talk to her. If it works, it will be solid. If it doesn't, you won't feel bad about it.

Win/win.

Rejection

Quit fearing rejection.

Rejection is a good thing.

It means you did what you wanted and she wasn't with it, which means she isn't what you want.

If you're not getting rejected, it means you're not doing it right.

Now, if you're doing what you want and getting what you want, this doesn't apply to you. You probably don't have a perfect batting average, but that's my point.

You don't get every girl. But if you go after every girl you find attractive, some will reject you and some will sleep with you and some will marry you and one won't divorce you.

If you're not getting laid and no girl has turned down your advances, it's because you have not made clear, unambiguous moves towards getting into her panties.

Reach for her crotch. If she turns you down, she's rejected you. If she lets you touch her, you're in. But you can't get there if you fear rejection and don't make the move.

Think of it this way, even if she rejects you, you're no worse off than you started. In fact you're better off because you acted like a man for once.

The Dream Girl

Quit fantasizing!

If you have in your head an image of what your dream girl looks and acts like, kill her. Not in real life, but your mental image of her.

Appreciate people for who they are.

If you're constantly measuring people up to some imaginary ideal, they'll always fall short.

Instead, take the time to see how they get along with you and you with them. See if they turn you on. See if they make you laugh. See if you can accept and live with their shortcomings, if the price of the very real bad times with them is worth all the very real good times with them.

Kill the fantasy. Go after the real thing.

Beauty

I'm curious about your thoughts on beautiful women. What type of beauty you look for. Do you look for a certain level of beauty? How does her personality factor in? Have you ever felt pressure from friends or family, to hook up with a certain kind of women, or level of beauty.

I also remember hearing from a couple former CA instructors that while beautiful women were attainable, they were often a pain in the ass. I've also heard that some beautiful women have low self-esteem. I can also hear you say "They're normal people, like anyone else". :))

They are normal people like anyone else. Some have baggage. Some are a pain in the ass. Some I don't click with, despite being great human beings. And some I get along with despite being bitches to everyone else.

Do I look for a certain level of beauty? Yes. I have to be physically attracted. And yes, there are levels of hotness. So the scale of 7s, 8s, 9s, and 10s is accurate to some degree. But the scale itself is subjective. A 7 on my scale might be an 8 or a 9 on someone elses scale, and vice versa. So what someone else considers hot has no bearing on me, and what I consider hot has no bearing on someone else's scale.

Lastly, as I got better with women, I felt no pressure from others to hook up with what they considered 8s, 9s or 10s. That's because I got better with women because I became more sure of what I liked and what I wanted. They go hand in hand - getting what you want and knowing what you want. Outside pressure had little sway on me because I was confident, and confidence got me what I wanted.

Also, I was well aware that beauty fades and that everyone gets bored of sameness. Meaning, no matter how hot the girl, someone somewhere was sick of her. So constantly looking for someone hotter was a waste of time. You have to learn to be happy with what you have.

That's not to say I dated girls who are hideous and learned to like them. Sure, I had drunken hookups to that effect. But, and maybe I was luckier than most, I've dated girls who ranged the whole spectrum of beauty, from the Kiera Knightleys to the Scarlett Johanssons. Some were part time models and struggling actresses some where amateur athletes, some were just hot assistants and store clerks or accountants.

But you can't judge girls through another persons eyes. Being self confident means using your own eyes and your own scale. We all value somethings more than others.

I've heard lots of guys say they'd rather date a 7 with self-confidence than a 10 with none. But I've also heard guys say they only care about looks. And some refuse to settle unless they find a 10 they click with and love and who loves them back. And all points of view are valid.

You have to decide for yourself what you want and what you will settle for. If she makes you happy, quit letting what others think get to you.

What others think may be what's holding you back from taking action and getting what you want in the first place.

After all, it wouldn't be called taking a risk if every thing went your way.